(Note to reader – this article was originally written in Sept / Oct of 2014. Rather than go through and change verb tense, etc. I have let it stand as originally written. The sheer fact that I was able to indulge in writing articles at all at that time indicates the beginning of the end of doing energy work for others seemingly. I feel much better now than I did oh, say, a year ago, but I just can’t bring myself to say I feel “recovered”, but various body part issues, aches, pains, which I thought may have been mostly caused by lack of physical movement may have indeed actually been more due to the high levels of energy work.)
After many years of healing work, I went through the bulk of my intense ascension work in 2010. That was much like “general healing” but was just more of it – rapid-fire cycles of healing / clearing / release followed by upgrades. I’d experienced samples of both parts of this cycle over many years in my general healing, but this was just nuts. Even the so-called “up” side, the peaks, could be just as intense as the troughs / valleys.
Hearing Divine guidance at this time? Yeah, right. It was much more difficult to do and there were usually only tiny windows of time in the short lulls between cycles to get some clear info.
Any of you who have been through at least some of this know that your personal blockages get fried out. I was rarely one to resist my healing and yet as flowy as I could be with it, this ascension work was absolutely intense. It was like getting scraped out with a scalpel. It left you feeling very cleansed, but rather raw.
But I’ll have to say, none of that, none of the many years of general healing nor the intense year of personal ascension work compares to the long-term accumulated effect of years of transmutation and anchoring work since then. I have been used as a human antenna for the better part of the last 4 years on top of all the work I did personally. So, my physical body, which was meant to be used physically, has instead been used for really intense energetic work.
Due to my own diligent personal healing and ascension work, I have been a very clear channel of energies – in both directions, both for clearing / transmuting and also for grounding in higher frequency energy so since I finished my own ascension work (or what we were allowed to do at that time, those of us who were ready then) I have not had what I would call “ascension symptoms” because the energy finds no blockages in me to hang up on.
But all that work left me with next to no energy to use outwardly. It took a lot of fuel (food) and rest (a whole lot of sleep 13 – 18 hours / day) and I just about wasn’t moving physically. It is exhaustion piled on more exhaustion. My baseline physical energy levels were right down in the dirt.
I have not had an outside job / work / occupation / livelihood for almost 6 years and yet for the last 5 years, I have had a FULL TIME job with this ascension work. And when I say full time, I mean FULL time. For the most part (with some extremely welcomed exceptions – more please!) I have not had nights and weekends off. I don’t get holiday or vacation time.
At a 3D level, most especially at the physical level, it takes a LONG time to change things. Well, the higher realm entities who are supposedly helping with this, I feel, have really called the shots completely wrong in some cases and we forerunners have paid for it with our bodies. And this has gone on for so many years that my body has been changed for the worst over a long period of time. It would take another long period of time to recover, but I don’t know that I even could recover on a 3D physical level even if I was actually allowed to, ya know, absolutely no more energy work and I could use all my energy just for me.
I went from a lifelong athlete, eating whole organic food for over a decade, to a couch potato with hardly any movement for many days at all in these past almost 5 years except to get myself something to eat some days or every few days perhaps walking to do some errands close by, which, as time goes on, gets more and more difficult to do. Dishes and vacuuming don’t happen very often. Grocery shopping is a major expedition that I have to gear myself up for, move at a snail’s pace, it literally takes hours and I collapse when I’m done and I have to take 1 to 2 days to recover from. I always get a few days worth of easy-to-deal-with food because I know I won’t be worth a darn.
Just to really put this in perspective and I’ll do my best not to exaggerate, but even to describe this in perfect honesty sounds extreme. It IS extreme. Any of you who have been shoulder to shoulder with me on this ascension assignment know exactly what I am talking about. I will describe the LACK OF USE my body has had for years, ya know, in a physical way, the way it was meant to be used.
So, early 2010, I started my own ascension work. By July of 2010, I gave up on running. I’d been a runner since I was in grade school, but I could not do it anymore.
In the spring of 2011 I was the most out-of-shape I’d ever been up until that point and I’ve had many experiences of being in and out of shape through my whole life, but nothing like this. But I felt great after my own ascension work was done and the energy was returning to me and I was able to get out and take long, regular walks, hikes really, up and down park trails with steep, long hills. I went out 3 or 4 times per week for 2 or 3 months. I actually felt like I was getting some level of fitness back.
Then the work for the planet kicked in, followed by work for people (which is a bit of a sore spot for me, but that’s a topic for another article) and I was lucky if, other than occasional close-by errands, I was lucky if I even got a walk in on grocery day, on a very flat trail in a park, maybe once or twice a month (I only get groceries twice a month).
After the spring of 2011, the next time I was able to take regular walks, several times per week, was not until July of 2013 – 2 years and a few months later.
The month before, June of 2013, I was VERY ready to take myself out of this world. I was just flat tired of being tired, the exhaustion levels off the chart. I would literally talk myself to sleep sometimes saying, “God and Gaia, ascend me or kill me… but QUICKLY in either case.” Because, yes this all felt like a very long, slow, drug-out death. I’ve often said that I imagine the exhaustion levels are like what a terminal AIDS or cancer patient experiences… minus the illness. There are times I’ve thought I was dying, others that I didn’t know why I wasn’t dying and times like this where I wished I were dying.
And yet in July, it was as if someone flipped a switch. I found out later that people were then asked to do their own clearing and transmutation work, at least for a while anyway and that was relieved from us forerunners. The difference was like night and day. I was still fat and out-of-shape, but I actually had energy! OMG! And I used it, with regular walks, as I’d said… until the last few days of the month when I was guided to not walk and just rest, even though I still had energy. I have never had that kind of energy boost since then.
Then August and September of 2013, I was slam dunked yet again with energy work. It gets to the point where it becomes tough to judge just how much energy work there is going on because my baseline exhaustion is so intense that any little bit of energy work feels like torture. And yet so does a day with less than optimal nutrition, like if I’m running low on food and order a pizza. I have kinda given up trying to gauge much of anything based on how I feel physically. I used to totally be able to get information just from my own palpable experience, but I just don’t think it’s a good gauge at this point.
Now, more recently, I don’t even consider walking on grocery day and it takes me even longer to get groceries than it did when I used to walk between eating in their deli and shopping.
I still eat whole, organic food and I don’t even want to consider where I’d be if I didn’t. I go walk for errands and one knee doesn’t quite work right due to improper muscle support (atrophied muscles) and the opposite ankle sometimes gets a kink in it, which that one is really a decades old thing from having sprained my ankles so many times in high school basketball, but one that used to come in a flash and went just as quickly, but it doesn’t go so quickly now. I sometimes don’t know what leg to limp on.
I have no illnesses. I know how to eat right. If my knee gets creaky I make sure I get more sea salt along with my abundant water intake, that I have always been good about getting my whole life, so I don’t get arthritic or anything. Sometimes just a fistful of supplements is all that gets me feeling anything resembling human.
But what is going on with me is that my body has not been used like it’s supposed to. Not only do I have extra weight, but my muscles have atrophied and hence don’t support my joints as well. I sit for far too long, in the same position, but don’t have many options. I do my best to adjust pillows behind me, etc. but it’s just too many years to be sitting on the same not-so-well-designed furniture (someone else’s) for hours at a time, all my waking hours most days.
My back is SO out of shape, that for me to stand at the sink and clean just a rack full of dishes… OH MY! I played basketball as a kid and if anyone knows organized, competitive basketball training and knows just how intense that muscle workout is… well… the muscle burn I got then doesn’t hold a candle to how my back feels from washing dishes. It’s like my back is literally on fire. If I was next to a heat source that made me feel that hot, my body would have this quick, natural reflex response to move away from that heat source and pronto ‘cuz anything that hot has got to be causing some major damage.
I’ve said before that I feel like in some ways this big *ss ascension project has made me go full circle, back to… where I never was in the first place. Being this severely out of shape is an example. Yes I was in and out of shape many times in my life. And over the last almost 20 years now, well, until 2010 (when I could no longer be a runner), I had my running routine interrupted so many times, in so many ways, that I found myself constantly in the “getting back in shape” phase, interrupted one more time just as it was starting to feel good again. Groan.
But where I’m at now… ugh.
And THAT, the long-term negative effects on my physicality is what really gets me at this point. If I have a few challenges with this whole thing in my thoughts or emotions, oh well, that’s just energy and comes and goes and I process that all well anyway, even though this planetary ascension process has kept me stuck in ways and for lengths of time that I myself didn’t allow to happen in my own personal process. Groan again.
But this physical deterioration was a long time in the making and there’s no quick recovery from having my physicality ab-used for so many years with hardly any breaks / relief. And that can’t and doesn’t just flip like energy can and does.
I just wish that the higher realms would have honored and respected my body as much as I myself have. And attempting to explain this to someone who has not been here, done this? Yeah right. And I know an awful lot about health and healing but you’d never know it to look at fat and out-of-shape me. Try this one on Joe Average Earthling, “I DO know a lot about healing… so much so that the Divine then proceeded to use the shit outta me to heal the planet and then try to force-heal a bunch of resistant and recalcitrant free-will humans.”
And your run-of-the-mill lightworker who is not only NOT a fellow forerunner, but who also may not even be ascension-ready thinks that this ascension can and will take decades or centuries. Ah, no, it would kill us forerunners LONG before that and that would leave this world with a VERY HUGE light vacuum. Oh no, Gaia’s ascension WILL get done in fairly short order, as it has GOT to happen in our (forerunners’) lifetime, which seems to have been cut shorter than usual from some major heavy energy work.
If it doesn’t happen while we’re still alive, it just flat WON’T since there is obviously no one stepping up to REALLY be able to take over the level of work we have done and can do. Those who are ascension-ready have helped a bit and some of them have done enough to gain levels beyond just 5D, but they still can’t seem to lift the loads like us old worn out “heavy work horses” can.
P.S. I wrote this in late September. But I have come to realize a very gradual but steady lifting of energies since the last week of September. I’m not ready to suddenly leap up off the couch and go run a marathon, but I can’t help but notice the energetic change. The last time I got groceries I got back and was waiting for the all-too-familiar end-of-day collapse, but it didn’t really happen and I actually even vacuumed the next day which has been mostly unheard of for years.
Some things, like my knee, which hurt for so long I thought it might never recover, actually feels almost normal now. Obviously the energetic service work played a bigger role in my knee not working right and not just from almost no physical use.
This calendar year, I have done some of what I feel is the tail end of my own ascension work, being able to move even further into that now. I hear the lightworkers moaning and groaning with every solar flare, eclipse, astrological alignment, etc. but I feel either “normal”, which is just awesome compared to years of energy work, or I feel just downright energized at times.
Being ascension-ready and yet not allowed to actually ascend has felt like being a ball held at the bottom of a pool – it’s not your natural state, you just want to pop up to the surface. So, since last September, I’ve been allowed to keep moving onward and upward and that feels much better than to be held at the bottom of a pool.