Service to Self, Service to Others

I wrote the following over 2 years ago in an email to someone who asked my perspective on this whole STS / STO schtuff, duality, channeling.

They asked if they could post it and did.  I did not have a blog myself then, but now I do, so guess I’ll post it now.

Without naming them, I thank them for their questions.

 

Well, service to self in what way?  At what level? At what frequency? At a 3D level – with greed, selfish inconsiderateness, not caring who ya step on or ab-use / misuse?  Purely for money or for fame or a following?  Or lust or perhaps out of fear… of being lonely or whatever other dis-empowered motive. 

Or service to self at a higher level – self-respect, self-love, getting healed… ….  to then be able to turn around and help the planet by transmuting millennia of shit energy out or help others and not because you heard someone say some fancy term or line and want to parrot it to others but because you’ve experienced it yourself FIRST, you’ve LIVED it, you KNOW it, you know what works and what doesn’t.

Because you know if you don’t take care of yourself and heal and self-nurture then you really have nothing to offer the next person.  Because if you’re dead you have no help to offer the 3D world. Because, as I said before, what we TRULY have to offer anyone else is our consciousness and how can you offer it to the next person if you don’t get there yourself, FIRST?!

If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? 

And on the flip side, service to others in what way, at what level, at what frequency, from what agenda or motive? People who have egos and subconscious that are programmed in dis-empowered ways are often ass-kissers, boot-lickers, will do anything to make a buck, to keep a job, to get along, to have a friend, to be popular, to be liked, to have low frequency “power”.

To be “slothful”, to follow someone else’s agenda rather than their own agenda, to “go with the flow” to “fit in”, no matter what the cost to themselves or others, doing all the wrong things because others do and they want to “succeed” at low frequency levels and cave in to all the things they feel in their gut and heart and intuition to be wrong because “that’s just the way it is”.

People who don’t have the guts to tell someone what they need to hear to heal.  People who will enable other’s dysfunction so as not to rock the boat… that often so desperately needs to be rocked.  People who don’t want to rouse the rabble that so desperately needs to be roused.  

Then again, duality in what way?  That there are just some things that are complementary, like masculine and feminine?  Neither is bad, but that difference is most certainly part of duality.  Both could stand to be integrated within each individual and no one needs to be androgynous or have a sex change to incorporate both.  Just one example of complements, which means “to make complete”.

Other examples of duality though, in some cases, some dark sides of things could stand to be let go of like ignorance and thinking there are things that just can’t be known.  Like ego issues that on one side make one feel grandiose while on the other side make people “play small” and claim “I’m only human” as some sort of cop out, some excuse to not be all they can be.

And societal programming that deems that some things are bad or wrong when in reality there may be nothing wrong with them or in some cases, these things judged as “wrong” or “bad” are actually strengths and are downright healthy.

In this planetary ascension, those who get themselves to a 5D level are serving themselves , serving their own soul by healing, clearing, releasing and upgrading.  Nothing wrong with that.  If 7 billion people would have been self-centered (centered on self) in THAT way, we and Gaia would have all been outta here long ago and the work, the burden would have been spread around evenly and not just put on a small minority of people.

Heal themselves first, then and only then can they go on to serve the planet and others in any higher level energetic capacity.

And yet along the way, in the effort to offer consciousness they can do that for the next person on some topic that they are even 1/2 a step ahead on.

Yeah, I don’t like the ambiguity of these terms STS & STO.  Those terms are  very black and white and biased in its perspective, in its assumption that everyone will just see it the right way, the most healthy way for all involved… and those terms are too easily misunderstood / misinterpreted in a very harmful and dis-empowering way… and nobody bothers to explain.

Btv (Below The Veil – BTV) or atv (Above The Veil – ATV) there are WAY too many assumptions that just because different entities / beings are using the same terms / words, there must be an understanding, there must be the SAME interpretations and definitions because it’s the same word.  Errr!  Wrong answer!

A recent channeled message said this:
“Even though the techniques necessary to fulfill your dreams have been outlined for some time, those techniques were ignored, misunderstood or denied.”

Ok, if we apply that to your run-of-the-mill LW (Light Worker – Information Worker), yep.

But look at all the channelled messages that didn’t get these people on the right track in the first place.  How many channelled messages have said some emotions are good and some bad?  Don’ feel angry or bored or whatever.  What?

From a bunch of unemotional non-humans who don’t know wtf they are talking about?!   Oh, they are proving now they can dish out the tough love message (about time) and yet where are they accepting the responsibility for their part, their role in the misunderstanding? How many times have the human channeller’s gotten the message wrong, stated it wrong or misinterpreted it after the fact and yet where are these channeling entities to make that correction?

“Hey there dear human, we can tell by what you told others that you did not correctly interpret our message, so we’d like to explain further…”  Do they even bother to check in and see how humans, especially their own channeling human is interpreting their message?

And why are human channellers just swallowing all these messages without question?  And even when the message is a good one, why aren’t they making sure that they themselves actually understand it and LIVE it?  ETs and LWs, a match made in hell.  The blind leading the blind.

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122 thoughts on “Service to Self, Service to Others

  1. RIGHT ON!!! Exactly what I was trying to articulate, but could not quite express it the way you did…so well written there…High five, and LOVE IT!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Indeed!!!!

    Service to self: Hold your ground and be true to yourself; in other word, live congruently.

    Service to others: Hold your ground and be true to yourself; in other words, live congruently WHILE also supporting the other’s perspective (and the consequences there of – good or bad…harmonic or chaotic BUT HOLD YOUR GROUND AND LIVE CONGRUENTLY.

    It’s not so hard once you get the hang of it. You can look yourself in the mirror more easily if done; don’t have to disempower yourself by pandering to the authority that holds your money (fame and glory).

    If those fools realized your power (if indeed you hold power for yourself) they’d realize you are equal to them in creating consequence…and they’d think twice, but fools don’t often think twice about their foolishness. Ironically, only fools dare to go where angels fear to tread. Go figure the irony of THAT one.

    A truly compassionate person would still hold his own truth before him and engage forbearance in the presents of fools, or without compassion will play the fools game and create that responding consequence, and then watch the chaos unfold itself into every facet of your respective fool’s life…descend into hell together.

    I say, let the fool have his power (money, fame…recognition)…and leave him/her. Reinforce your own wholeness and be uncorrupted. Or stay in the same state; test your own metal…forge yourself even more fully into a whole new level of integrity and wisdom, and see what changes for good may come about (if indeed your intention is a good one; known by it’s merit to benefit more than yourself). This last is the more challenging road…and oh Lord, is a perfect practice in human faith…

    …which is as a mustard seed that crumbles the mountain…so it was said (wink).

    Like

    • LOL Love your first paragraph, which was a bit “get outta my head”. I was thinking about saying (at one point… rapid-fire comms we got going now) something about one stays at a high frequency because it’s the right thing for them… and also for other.

      “A truly compassionate person would still hold his own truth before him and engage forbearance in the presents of fools, or without compassion will play the fools game and create that responding consequence, and then watch the chaos unfold itself into every facet of your respective fool’s life…descend into hell together.”

      This makes me think, concerning “engaging” with someone at their level… My roomy is seeing someone and their partner had noticed that as strongly opinionated as my roomy is, they were not saying anything to this one person who they KNEW were like 180 degrees from where my roomy is. My roomy says they were not about to engage with this person who just wants a screaming match. If they are willing to discuss, then fine, but until then… ppsssfft!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Definitely “Congruent.” What I say is what I mean. What I mean I do. What I do is in line with what feels and is known to be right (within and about myself).

    Now…”Coherent.” (Mulling that word over in my mind).

    If I say, “I’m coherent,” then what I’m saying is that I am in understanding with my own reasoning, but that wouldn’t mean that I am necessarily in “Integrity.” There is a great deal of “Coherence” in the light worker realm, but is there “Congruence?”

    Yes, and if people stop only at “Coherence” then we see a lot of hypocrisy.

    To me, the connotations are different between the two words. Understanding is the first step…”Coherence” is the intellectual part…”I know what I know.”

    “Congruences” is “I do what I know.” That’s integrity.

    And I use congruence and integrity interchangeably. The word, “Coherence” has never entered my mind because it’s something I’ve always been aware of. I’ve never really sought understanding of what I know. I seek “Congruence” with what I know, and I’ve done that by gaining courage to do what I know; take the consequences for speaking truth to power; realize that my power, in truth, is equivalent if not equal to any force out there.

    Its a noble journey; coherence and then gaining congruence through courage. Oooooo….the three “Cs”

    This is my current degree of understanding, and it is not meant to conflict with any other level of understanding or belief or knowing. If it is different then it is only that; a difference and not to be misconstrued as a better or worse than…higher or lower than. Just different.

    I’m glad you brought it forward for me to think about. I’ll work with this word, “Coherence,” and I’ll hang out with it…see what paths it takes me down to explore. Might be something I need to consider more carefully.

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    • Ok, this is simply just what flashed by me… regardless of what Webster (or whoever) might have to say… and words like this sometimes are used to define each other, but… my flash…

      Congruent implies there are two things that are being talked about – and those two things are the same.

      Coherent implies consistency – one can be consistent with oneself, which is kinda along the lines of our discussions… to hold your frequency up even / especially when you are with someone who is at a lower frequency.

      See info about coherency I left in a comment here:
      https://gaiaascensionforerunner.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/from-surrendering-to-reveling/

      Liked by 2 people

      • Ahhh…

        I’v not thought much about that, but in light of what you say here…I see your point more clearly.

        Believe it or not, I am an empath…a natural empath. I’m more conscious about it now than I used to be. Now that you say it this way, I can see…perhaps it’s something I could consider more carefully. The “Empath” part is mostly reflexive…deeply intuitive, and it is not something I reason with most of the time.

        Coherence though…in this context, WOULD be helpful to look at. Like I said, That part of me…I’ve not worked with it much (consciously). But it is there, and it is a pretty powerful thing…the way I can resonate with almost anyone. It’s mostly intuitive though. And it’s my fault for not paying closer attention to it.

        Let me think about it some more, and I will read the link you sent. This word isn’t something I’ve used in the context you’re talking about, and I’ve heard it used before…but passed it by because it wasn’t something I was working with. I was working with “Congruence.”

        And likely this is because I’ve spent most of my life totally not wanting to touch down on the Earth completely….And “Congruence” seems more grounding a concept then “Coherence.”

        In fact, being an empath is one of the reasons it’s been so hard to be grounded (just a fact; not making an excuse). So I’ve stuck with more concrete terms (In practice) to make my way “Down here” when being “Up there” is my natural state…safest place. But what good is that if it doesn’t go where its needed (down here where I am and where so many other people are).

        Does this make sense without making excuses? It’s not meant to be an excuse…just expressing what it’s been like…

        So…lots to think about now…LOL…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Well, we’re getting some nuances of things discussed here and flushing out more topics than we were initially shooting for. It ought to help others think about some things too.

          Yes, I’m VERY grounded and I’ve known it. Years ago when I got my Reiki attunement, it was two sisters (siblings) who worked together and would get groups together for the weekend and all would get Reiki I and II attuning. So, the sister that worked with me initially (both did their thing with everyone) commented on how grounded I was / am. “Uh huh, yeah, I know.” Later we were all standing in a circle and beaming the person in the middle. One gal started to get a bit woozy. This same sister grabbed her and sat her down and put her hands on the gal’s knees… then looked at me and told me to help. I immediately sat at her feet, put my hands over her feet and that was that. As that old flirtly line goes, “You’re grounded! Go to my room.” The Reiki sister asked how she was, “Oh much better”, looks at me, “especially when you got here.”

          “So I’ve stuck with more concrete terms (In practice) to make my way “Down here” when being “Up there” is my natural state…safest place. But what good is that if it doesn’t go where its needed (down here where I am and where so many other people are).”

          Yes, bringing Heaven to Earth through you is da name o’dis here game.

          Liked by 2 people

          • I received the Reiki II attunement a few years back. My older and much beloved previous hospice actually had an alternative therapies program, and we had a Volunteer who was a Reiki master that attuned us to Reiki one (and I went back later for Reiki 2 on my own). Can you believe I actually worked for a place that would allow us to go to a doctor (and this is what nurses are supposed to do) and get an order to provide Reiki (or acutonics, aroma therapy…myofacial release) to a patient and put it in the clinical note and plan of care officially??!! Man I loved that place. It was very progressive in the exalted sense of the word (not the hypycrical sense of the word…being progressive these days kinda means you like to make a lot of rules…and more rules to make sure the first ones are being done right…and just in case…lets add a third level of rules just incase the first and second levels aren’t clear).

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            • Well that place sounds awesome. Evolved.

              I was thinking about asking you how things are out there in the modern medicine paradigm…. for being in that “industry” for the down side of it, well, I’ll just say, better you than me. 🙂

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              • It WAS awesome! Hmmmm….to answer your question…Hmmmm

                The “Industry” has become much more impersonal. Like…Done big health care company’s slogan is “Hello Human Kindness,” but the industry behind the slogan is responding to a lot of lawsuits from employees and patients that were not treated so kindly…in fact were treated so inhumanely that the lawsuits lost them oodles of money. So they put out this “Slogan” and it’s supposed to change things. Did it? (I know the answer…but I’m not gonna state it outright).

                One big name Hospice company that is one of the largest (if not largest) in the nation implements ideas that performing CPR on a full code patient is unethical in hospice and forbids the practice through P&P stating “Conscientious objector” status, when in fact, it is a breach of public trust to say, “We will not perform chest compression on you because you are dying despite the fact that you specifically are requesting chest compressions when your heart stops. WE determine that YOU don’t know what’s best for YOU in how YOU want to die!”

                Now, my experience says to me, “Self determined life closure means you get to choose any course for your dying process that allows you to bare the idea that your life is concluding. If you want CPR, my job is to do CPR knowing it will not likely save your life, but it does mean you wanted someone to care enough to try…to save your life because your life means something to you and to the ones that love you.”

                Granted…it’s really rare, but even for the few that would actually choose this course, We…the nurses, should be able to respond bravely…and not be cowards…unable to face our own discomforts with death….or illness.

                Seems all medical institutions and industries are actually lead by fearful greedy people…and that osmosis down, and so…you see this great greedy and cowardly industry making itself fat and content to suck off the tit without caring much for much else…like the people we touch (physically, emotionally, spiritually) and heal…make well…or help to die with the dignity they determine for themselves to be dignified.

                I dunno…the industry has lost it’s scruples with regard to real human connection…human connection being a real barrier to the money that comes in…by which we are paid to “Care.” Ironic…dualistic…

                …chaotic…careless…

                But I have hope…I really do.

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                • The medical mafia has taken over and being sick is a lucrative business, so they do nothing to find causes or cures, just keeping us sick, and pretending they are researching cures, when they know what is causing it, they know there are cures, they have suppressed cures for decades, and to the point that you can’t even say you have cured someone without medication. It’s down right insane that corporations can keep cures from sick people, sell you nothing that cures, then send you home to die or to hospice while they laugh all the way to the bank on the profit they made. They start with the first day of life and the vaccines, discouraging Mothers to breastfeed, because they know breastmilk is sorta miraculous, and then the damaged ones from all the vaccines are life long customers. If those don’t get ya, well, we got some chemtrails here, and some GMO’s so we can get you whether you escaped vaccines or cured yourself. Still they keep going with their poisons and the people revolt, so they just switch gears, pretend they are letting us choose, and I step outside, and miss the blue sky, I just wished I could start an insurance company that supported natural remedies/cures, and true complete care of those whose bodies have disease. Especially to address the language of pain, and for the reason the disease is there to begin with, a full on sort of ‘back to nature’, ‘back to soul’ sort of care. My Dad had renal cell cancer, and the insurance would not pay for high dose vit C IV treatments, but they sure will pay for some big machine to shoot radiation into a already sick body. My Dad asked them if they knew the radiation didn’t work, and just killed the host, and they knew, and he asked them how they sleep at night. It is the ones who claim ‘I’m just doing my job’ and ‘following orders’ that need to pull their consciousness out of the deep freeze and CARE. RANTING….I know, but it is so frustrating when you got a medical mafia running what is suppose to be healthcare but more like deathcare, but not before they get their money. I think I am going to look into an insurance company that pays for natural cures, or starting one, that isn’t about profiting but natural healing. I also was attuned to Reiki back in 2005. Of course my family is much more traditional, believe old school into every thing their Dr. says and hospitals, but I am not. When my Dad was in the hospital on a machine that forces air into your face, they were all acting like he was about to take his last breath, so I went in there and held his hand, started the Quantum Breathing/healing bringing it from the earth, and above thru my crown, and all of a sudden, my Dad pulled off his mask and said ‘What are you doing?’ I said do you feel it, does it make you feel better?’ And he said, ‘Yes’ His eyes were huge in amazement like he couldn’t believe it, and I told him ‘I am just sending you love’. He got off that machine, I did spend alot of time scanning, and sending him healing energy. I know this stuff works, if only medical mafia didn’t interfere. Dannion Brinkley talks about sitting with those who are dieing and how wonderful it is to be with them at the end of their time, as for me, I don’t know I could handle that every day. Why did you leave the spiritual place that did all those wonderul treatments with aromatherapy and other stuff? Or did you just get schooled there and then take what you learned there out to hospice and other places where it is needed? Just curious.

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                  • TYM,

                    I pretty much agree about what you are saying. All that you say DOES exists in the medical “Industry.”

                    AND there are people like me in that mix (groan…double GROAN). DAMN! IT’S SO FUNNY because DAF yesterday references ALL THE EX-NURSES he’s known. Admittedly, I am considering my own self-determined “Ex-Ness-nursen-ess.” It’s a choice, but tied to that choice is my will to “Teach” by reminding people of “WHERE” it is best to focus OUR CARE! Nothing wrong with needing LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY to do that, Nope! The real sin in all this is HOW INCREDIBLY INEFFICIENT our shared resources (taxes) are being WASTED, not monitored…funnelled, shunted, contrived to get more…and have THAT redirected away from its STATED intention!!!! OH MAN…I FEEL MY MAN-BABY WHINE COMMIN’ ON STRONG!!! GGGGGGRRRRRRRR!!! This WASTE is INEFFABLY PROFOUND (think about what that means). It’s so bad it’s almost to big to consider…almost beyond human ability…TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF WASTE, and they say we can’t afford….what? Health care? Bull shit!

                    Ok…why did I leave that wonderful place? Oh Man…no regrets because it was a choice based on…TOO MUCH for me to have admitted at the time, but now in hindsight….Oh yea, baby…I see the why! And it was a “God” thing because I did ask for the lessons (though I have to admit…I asked for this path over 25 years ago in my younger days just beginning as a baby nurse)…I asked God…”Make me a compassionate person: This is what I really want because I am suffering so terribly (because I feel like the worst piece of shit human being for not being perfect in every way I believe is this best way to be a GOOD NURSE…)” BAH HA HA HA HA HA! Hilarious; my poor younger self! Seriously!! But I love that guy!!! He had real heart, and still does…it was a BROKEN HEART, but still…it beat, and it could heal!

                    Anyway…back to the question: It was a God thing. At the time I left that WONDERFUL, HIGH INTEGRITY WITH EXALTED LEADERSHIP AND CHERISHED HOSPICE, I’d been in end of life care/hospice for 20 years already; started out in the early 90s in San Francisco giving nursing care to AIDS patients at the hight of the AIDS epidemic, at which time, MANY MANY new drugs were being fast tracked through the FDA in response to LAW SUITES by the community for stalling and holding back research and medical treatments (All those terrible awful AIDS drugs and all the drugs needed to treat the AIDS related diseases were causing just as much death by liver and kidney destruction…AND the AIDS virus).

                    OK…so When I left that wonderful hospice, I was ALSO pursuing a long distance relationship, My mother had just been diagnosed with lung cancer (and she did die a year later). These led to a sort of desperate “Drive” to get away…”Run, Forest….Runnnnnnn!” And I did.

                    I ran away from hospice and became a nursing educator at the prison system (“I gotta get into something ‘new’ right NOW), I moved in with my, then, new partner (I gotta replace the emptiness ‘right now!’), and I was managing my mother’s life limiting illness from 2000 miles away (definitely stretching my self too far already)….and…THEN managing a new career in a field of nursing I KNEW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT but THINKING my expertise in compassion would get me through (in hind site…baby levels…over confident? Oh yea, baby…and that was part of the “God Thing” that exemplified the essential component of FAITH and also COMPASSION in presence of real human perversity)

                    That was like…5 years ago; from beginning to end of it, for it is just about…right now…this is all just beginning to fully realize and become “Coherent.” (Gotta laugh at that).

                    There you go…that’s why I left. You see, it WAS a “God” thing, and I asked for it. God provided to a degree I could handle, and…probably…right up to the most extreme edge of that, because I left out all the juicy middle that would show this (still sorta laughing ’cause I’m done cryin’…and moved past victim a while ago). For our intent and purpose here, I just needed to answer the question about why I left a place of origin where by…REAL compassion was thought to be best understood but, in fact…was just the beginning. It was required. God said so as demonstrated by (arms extending to gesticulate the expanse of all I present before you of all that I am for anyone to see if they could see me through a Blog exchange….ROFL)…..

                    There you have it. That’s m’story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

                    Liked by 1 person

                  • And I love your story, TYM! It was a BEAUTIFUL story about you father. It exemplifies all the other Truths “Structure” refuses to foster because it doesn’t make ’em money!!! And you did it…for just what love costs…Nothing…just more love!

                    That’s called a miracle!

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                  • I gave up that hospice because…my soul, as it is expressed through the nature of my chosen life, called me to understand compassion and faith a tad more deeply.

                    Like GAF said, God never gives us more than we can handle, and the more aware we become, the greater a responsibility he/she…it…what ever God is, will often give us right up to the very max of what that is. (Check). Got it.

                    I was “In Love” with my previous hospice, but my soul needed to grow BIGGER…or my life had to grow bigger to fit into my soul…one way or the other, It said, “Brian…WE gotta grow (up). So let’s GO! Yes…LET’S GO NOW…NOW NOW NOW NOW (It’s the ADD and ADHD they diagnosed me with at age 5 back in 1970…and Ritalin was REAL popular).

                    When I went into prison nursing, I often felt like I was a nurse in correctional clothing that didn’t fit and and made me look absolutely ridiculous (and I was considered ridiculous in that place…also probably one the biggest pain in the asses they’d ever met! For sure!!). And when I left; exhausted and physically, emotionally and spiritually depleted but left to go back to a hospice in the new location I’d landed, I found…I was WAY WAY too big to fit into that role…I “Exploded” out of it in glorious red hot sparks of triggered indignation!!! THAT COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY been what I’d left but was here…in this place I called “Home” (not my old hospice…this new one). I saw things…I’d never heard of going on! And I…reacted in a big way, and it got me fired…but they were REAL REAL NICE to me when they did it ’cause I WAS RIGHT ABOUT what I was reacting to! The WRONGNESS of what I saw was factually WRONG, and I called them on it…And they fired me NOT because of reacting…but for…”Its just not a good fit.” True. I’ll take that truth so long as it gets me the heck outta there!

                    So I took a GOOD long break! Oh…like a year and a half; piddled around with odd nursing jobs which I absolutely hated because I was still seeing a lot of…really sick bullshit I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE…Not at this level…so blatantly CARE-LESS! But I got a long break in, and well…now I’m back in hospice.

                    Ironically, the prison peeps said, “Mr. (), you wear rose colored glasses and you are so out of touch.” To that I responded, “Oh no honey…I see exactly what I see…Them ain’t no rose colored Glasses, Baby! Them is x-ray vision super power vision all aglow with perceptions you not of.” And they laugh and laugh…and keep a real long distance ’cause it’s better to watch the sparks fly from a safe space, right!

                    Now, it’s just the Same stupid bull shit going on, and I’m still just as upset about it and just as unwilling to go along with it…still reacting to it…BUT…NOW…It’s fine with me.

                    I see the shit? I say something. They don’t like it? I leave or get fired because we both get sick of each other (or scared or triggered). So what! I ALWAYS say something about it…I draw upon my experience…my perspective…my intuition…God…Myself…faith…courage…Oh…and a LOT of humility because I have to face the ones that love me in my personal life and admit…”Man…I blew it again…I just had to.” No you didn’t…just go with the flow. Keep your head down. Make the money. “I will do that only on my own terms,” I say…”THEY gotta deal with what I see, and what I see is true…and wrong, oh…and by the way…HERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION I’VE INNOVATED. LOOK! ISN’T A CHANGE FROM NASTY TO NICE ATTITUDE REALLY EASY? SEE…WHEN YOU DO IT, I RESPOND IN KIND, DUH (Dumb assess).”

                    Nurses are trained and educated to “Care” for human beings….HOLISTICALLY. It even says it in the damn nursing text books, “Nursing is holistic, and it considers homeostasis (BALANCE) of body, mind and spirit…wholeness.” That’s in the damn nursing advanced medical surgical text book! And our code of ethics says we treat each other (AND OURSELVES) the same way we “Treat” (or CARE) for patients. And THAT is what is missing in the medical industry, and that is because it is NOW driven by people WHO ARE NOT SO CONSIDERATE of HUMAN BEINGS! But we are…GOOD MEDICAL AND HEALTHCARE people; weather they are western or alternative…IT’S ALL GOOD…unless it’s NOT because the “Industry” is DRIVEN by greedy out of touch …..

                    …Man…I dunno, but you two probably know more (DAF and TYM).

                    Oh…Did I over share again? Dang it! I hope I answered your question, TYM.

                    Peace out!

                    OK…I over shared. So sorry (Ommmmm…where is that damn center.)

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Ok, you got me going now…

                      I was an electronics tech. Same b.s. there. There’d be these big corporate manufacturing places that would get busted on ethics stuff by their regulating agencies and wouldn’t be allowed to ship product for like years, then the managers or supervisors would turn right around and tell the workers to do something unethical… oh, like “Couldn’t ya just do this…” even though it’s not part of the procedure. “Why certainly I could, either per a new revision of procedure or by an engineering change order that you fill out and sign.” Ooh, didn’t wanna do that.

                      These manufacturers all ultimately operated on what’s called ISO9000 (or whatever number they may be up to now). The gist of it is this, it was our Bible – “Do what you document and document what you do.” So, just like with pharmies and some other industries, the govt. agencies often don’t know as much about the products as the companies themselves so they tell the companies to essentially make their own rules, determine their own tests kinda thing… and they still can’t get it right. And what’s funny is that for the most part, if they would just document things, then the regulating agency didn’t have any issue. They just wanted things to be trackable… and the stinking companies themselves ought to want that too so they know wtf if something goes wrong, but that would all be far too easy.

                      A few places SO wanted to fire me but they dare not as I was in the right and they knew it.

                      I worked at this one place where the first dept. I worked in we tested old, well-established products that rarely failed. The boss lady wasn’t around much as she was kinda segueing into different duties, but she was known for making sure that documentation was proper. Wow, what a rarity.

                      Then I get moved to another dept. that was a new product (piece o’ crap) where the boss lady from the other dept. had influenced their procedures and made sure they were decent. SO many issues with this product. One day I looked around at all my fellow techs, “Have any of you ever seen any of these go through all the testing without failure?” I saw many gears churning, heard much silence. Then saw several of them shaking their heads.

                      So… I worked swing shift and we had day shift bench partners that we shared a bench with. So the procedure stated that all troubleshooting notes be logged into this online tracking record (intranet, internal to the company) for each serial number and went on to say this was most especially important when there were shifts and we had to hand off the unit to our bench partner.

                      One night I spent my entire shift working with one unit that was failing intermittently. So, this product had a big “card cage” where all the circuit boards were mounted in and they slid in and had card-edge connectors so you just push them firmly back into a connector in the back, then there was mounting hardware on the outer edge that you screw into the card cage. So, when we had to troubleshoot, we’d have to put an extension card in that was a straight through but it allowed the board to stick out so we could access the board to put ‘scopes and meters on it. Well, when I was using the extender card, I couldn’t get the thing to fail. So, I get to looking at where the connection was made and the cards and how the mounting hardware was, etc. didn’t allow for the circuit boards to seat far enough into the connector.

                      So, I document all of this thoroughly and said something about “the whole mechanical fit of the boards into the card cage connector may be in question”, meaning the design was messed up. Now that would totally explain one whole hell of a lot of issues with these units.

                      Next day I get to work and my boss dude had emailed me, cautioning me about how I say things on this online record thing. And I had to laugh… because I was swing shift, the bulk of his communications with me were through email. Thank you for documenting our exchange. So, I started putting a file together – 3 copies, one for me, one for my boss (eventually) and one for the temp agency I was working through – included emails and copies of procedure pages that backed me up. My day shift bench partner was getting drug into it and was basically being urged to just push this product out the door. Ah… no! So, I just kept documenting things the way we were supposed to, as per procedure. The boss dude finally gets ticked enough at me that he gets me, my bench partner and the temp agency’s onsite rep in a meeting. He talks to my bench partner first, then has him leave.

                      Then he thinks he’s gonna cow me. I don’t think so. He had the audacity to suggest all this unethical shit for me to do and says it all unabashedly in front of this temp agency rep. I told him, “If you are telling me to NOT follow the procedure, then what you are in essence telling me is to not do my job. If that’s the case, then you may as well show me to the door because as long as I’m here, I’ll be doing my job and doing it right.” He turns to this temp agency rep and is like appealing to her and she says to him, “I think it’s been made clear to you what you can expect here.” Done. End of meeting. Ha!

                      What was his next move? He asked the tech writers to change the procedure to get rid of how it was so insistent about documenting everything. *shaking head*

                      So, I stayed there until I chose to leave. When I did, I had a big fat folder for myself, the boss man and this agency rep. Tootles!

                      If I remember right, I do believe I’d heard they ended up going back to the drawing board with that product.

                      Finally, late in my whole “tech life” (like another lifetime, truly) a couple places did let me go.

                      At one of those jobs, another temp job, (which I did by choice for many years)…. So, again we had more than one shift. I worked swings. Our shift was having issues with this one circuit board but the other shift was passing all of them. We get to talking to them and there was some issue with the connectors not making a good contact with the test rig. Well, the other shift would use a brush with some solvent on it to clean the connector contacts… then it would work. There was nothing documented telling them to do this and they just took it upon themselves to do this and didn’t document it or tell anyone about it.

                      So, I tell one of the guys on my shift I was going to write up an email documenting this whole thing. Oh my, you’d think I’d just suggested something criminal. This fellow gave me the story of the nail whose head sticks up gets hit by the hammer. lol Says that to me. LOL Swing away, I say! So, I write the email and send it. By the time I get to work the next day, the day shift, super, manager and whoever had it all hammered out. I got a nice email from the manager, blah, blah, woof, woof.

                      But I wasn’t done. That night, I emailed all the managerial types involved and said I appreciated they got right on this and took care of things, but I told them that a coworker REALLY had cautioned me not to communicate with them, like I’d get in trouble over that. I then said something to this effect: “What are you doing to these people that they are so scared of getting in trouble for just communicating issues to you? How is that serving this company?” The next day I get a call from the temp agency who’d been told I was not to come back. LOL The temp dude asks me to come talk to him, so I do, tell him the story. He says, “Well, that sounds like their problem. Don’t sweat it. I’ll get ya another job.”

                      Many, many tales I could tell. But I’ll just end on this story – another place that had been busted on ethics and gee, you’ll never guess who? I’ll give ya 3 guesses, the first 2 don’t count. Yep, you guessed it – upper management. Oh, but then for the next 2 years, every single person in that company had to go through ethics classes. I got hired in on the tail end of that. So, when you completed these courses that “taught” you that ya don’t do something just because that’s how it’s always been done, etc… then they’d give you this coffee mug that had the initials for this ethics class title and on the other side it said, “Let’s do it right!”

                      Well, ya know the line – “Never time to do it right, always time to do it over.” And in that industry that was kind of a running joke. So, I take my cup home and I had some paints and matched the colors really well. So I painted over “right” and painted in “over”. It really looked legit. I took it back to work and put it on my bench. It was there for months and one day this engineer comes in the door behind me and just bursts out laughing. I turn around and I’m like “Is my fly undone, a sticky note on my back, wth?” No. he’d just seen my mug for the first time. LOL

                      Liked by 2 people

                    • LOL GAF..it must be the same for all companies and industries. Ours was always Production, production, production. They would even time how long it took to get from the farest point in the office to the water fountain and back..this is how anal they were. I did the same thing as you did. I noticed they were really coming down hard on this one woman, whose grandson had climbed her fence and he drown in the neighbor’s pool. She was having much difficulty maintaining production or focusing on her work. So I went to documenting it all, duplicates of course, and did so till the final straw, in wich we all begged her to go on disability for a while on a mental holiday. She wouldn’t, so I took my paperwork into my manager’s boss’s office and sat down and had a pow wow with him, because we are not machines and I don’t like having to watch the way they always went straight to picking on her and threatening her job over her head. I did torment those managers though….I left messages on their desk from Lou Neeben and had the psychiatic hospital on there, or a message from Ms Lions and put the Zoo number on there, and one that had me laughing so hard, was the onr gtom Ms. Peal and was a stripogram number…I could hear them laughing on the other end of the line, and couldn’t hold back my snicker, and the manager whips around and says…’I knew it was you’. I would put hynotizing eyeballs on his computer, with a note saying ‘You are getting sleepy, you will give Nancy a raise’. LOL, he put on my computer, ‘You are working diligently, you don’t need a raise’. LOL, after we got a photo from his wife, where he was drunk in the garage with a cigar in his mouth and she had taken away his power tools, and we put it on milk cartons as missing, ‘don’t call us, we’ll call you…he backed off the making me turn my radio down, and also because everytime he did, I would laugh like Beavis and Butthead. I eventually took the buyout and negotiated 14 weeks of severance pay, and when they wouldn’t go any higher, as they asked me to stay longer again, I said, ‘No thanks’, whenever they pay you to leave a job you hate, you take the money and run!!!! I use to have nightmares about that job, and to this day, still dream I am still working there…not very good work environment. Bu we cope how we can and leave with a smile…felt like I aged twice as fast in there. My first two weeks in there I knew it was going to be an anal place to work when the manager stood over me watching me, and then she was making me nervous, and I asked her why she was staring, and she is like ‘why, does it make you nervous?’ and I said, “yes, did they teach you that at manager school’. She abruptly left, guess I touched a nerve. But you mug thing was hilarious, because they wanted us to do it fast and right, but were always having to do it over….LOL, priceless.

                      Liked by 2 people

                    • Oh, we’d have gotten along famously. You’d have certainly been a challenge to my ability to keep a straight face.

                      Someone I grew up with worked at Boeing. They said about 70% of the cost of a plane was rework. And they SO wanted their “delivery” stats to look good so they would deliver planes that still had issues, maybe they were waiting on parts or whatever but just had to make that delivery… then get the plane back and do rework.

                      Many of the places I’d worked so wanted to ship their manufacturing overseas and they’d do that and then have to bring all the product to American workers to rework it. Then they’d abandon the overseas stuff for a while then be back at it in a few years.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • And it would just figure that as far as the work itself went, what I was good at and enjoyed, my two favorite jobs had the two worst bosses. And what a feat to have that title of worst bosses since they had some tough competition.

                      What I came to realize was my talent and was my highest use and I enjoyed was basically serving as a translator between technical “engineering-eez” language to layman terms. So one of my favorite jobs (absolute worst boss), they hired me into engineering as manufacturing support. I guess they were tired of mfg folks bothering the engineers all the time. So, first time I get asked to help the mfg folks. They tell me what’s going on. I say, “Where’s your procedure?” They hand me their procedure and it’s basically a specification document, referring the reader to mil-specs, etc. I said, “This isn’t a procedure.” And the look on their face was enough, then they went on to basically say, “Yes, we know.” So obviously the engineer that was assigned to write a procedure just didn’t want to and just slapped a new cover sheet on it. Jerk. (And we techs were not considered savvy enough to write procedures, never mind that we had to use them day in and day out and certainly knew the difference between one that was worth a shit and what wasn’t.)

                      So, as usual we drag the engineer back there and he got them going. I told everyone the next time mfg had a problem, then they, the engineer and I would all sit down and I’d take notes and make them a proper procedure. We do all that. I get my first draft ready and sit with mfg while they use it. I musta missed one instruction and we couldn’t get things to work. I talk to him, find out what was missing. He just rattled off what needed to happen then says, “Easy to say…” I said, “And just as easy to write down.”

                      WAY more messed up stuff at that place, specifically in that dept. The production manager was also the quality assurance engineer. Ah, excuse me, but CONFLICT OF INTEREST! He kept trying to shuffle his quality work onto me and that’s not what I was hired for and was not on my job description… and several others had told me that he’d tried to put that on them too. It was like if you were actually making some head way he’d want to throw a wrench in it.

                      I sent a long email to someone in HR, someone who I was told would be the best bet at being receptive. Two weeks went by and no response. I was fed up. We could use our personal leave (which was sick and vacation and personal all lumped together) as we accumulated it so I made sure I kept using it up. Then I had two procedures just about totally hammered out and I was going to finish that for the mfg folks then I was outta there. I stayed late, hardly anyone else around. I finished the procedures, got them sent to everyone ESPECIALLY the folks who were to use them, then sent my prior email to HR to the head of HR (who was new) and typed a big long email to her, and let them know that as soon as I was done with the email, I’d leave my cardkey on my desk and I quit. There was plenty more to document about this manager and I did. They ended up looking into him and the other managers. But the HR gal asked me to do an exist interview. She’d already talked to some of the mfg folks I’d worked with, named this one person and said they were shaking like crazy. I asked if she knew why and told her that they were scared to death to be called into HR. The HR dept. at most companies have gone down hill but at this company, which I’d worked at a few times before, they were ALWAYS known to be bad. (I’m gonna tell another story from this place but start a new thread on this same post.)

                      I doubt that they ever really got anything on the managers but a friend who worked there told me that about 6 months down the road the engineers were ordered to write the procedures the way I did.

                      I think of this and the card cage thing and both of those places, well, I essentially solved their frickin’ problem but they fought me the whole way and continued to fight with the problems for MONTHS down the road. *shaking head*

                      Now, I’d say this last company’s managers were shooting themselves in the foot and in a lot of places that was just from sheer incompetence but there was some traitorous stuff going on there, like managers helping out the competition and many, many people had many, many stories about evidence so yeah, more intentionally throwing a wrench in the works.

                      Liked by 2 people

                    • Thanks rayofhelios aka Brian,
                      You didn’t over share, it’s all relative to the experiences we have with the ‘deathcare’ system that is currently forced upon us and the medical mafia and the so called ‘do gooders’ like Bill Gates who thinks he knows what’s best for humanity, and goes around injecting kids in third world countries with his poisons, and wants to make a GMO mosquito so that either way, we will get those darnn anti-vaxers and they will be none the wiser. It’s really funny, well not really, but so curious how Bill Gates can stand up in front of a group of people and tell us we need to get CO2 down to zero, because that was the only thing on the board that could possible be what he was referring to, and he must of picked a bunch of morons to sit in the audience and clap for him. Everyone knows we need CO2 for plants, and then he brought up the ‘death panels’ which he then claimed would help to pay teachers more money…more applause from the audience and I think I had my mouth open the whole time in awe, because I just couldn’t believe they were all falling for this BS. I suppose they would have hauled me out of there because I would have stood up and called him a ‘liar’ and a evil globalist. I know what you mean when you say you explode when you see the wrongs in your work. I think being a Nurse in these days is like living an oxymoron. You’re suppose to care, but look the other way. My Mom was an RN for years, right up until she got Guillian’s Barre’ Syndrome from the H1N1 flu shot all the nurses had to take. She did stay working for a while but eventually retired after her triple by pass surgery. My Mom tried to explain to me how they were so tired and how they would get into laughing fits with the other nurses even though it wasn’t funny what they were laughing at but maybe just a stress relieving mechanism in the enormous hypocrisy and insane things they do and see in the hospitals. Sometimes the nurses know better than the doctors, but are not given as much credit as them, as they are the ones actually caring for a patient and the Dr.s just walk in with a chart and spend a few minutes with patients. The hospitals have become a hell hole, in that they don’t let them sleep and the nurses even admit the hospital is no place to heal or get well. That sort of hit me, as I had to stay nights at the hospital with my Dad and schedule blocks of time for him to get some uninterrupted sleep. When I asked them why in the world would they need to wake him up in the middle of the night to weigh him or to do x-rays which you would think they would do in the daytime, they said it was so the Dr. had the report in the morning…so this is all for the Dr. and not for the patient? She said he could refuse them, but even so, they still would be waking him up, and there was no getting any rest in there. It’s pretty much an invasive and non-healing industry…and all about the Dr.s and bureaucracy. So, no you didn’t over share…I get it. I saw it with my own two eyes. Most people have to go out of the country to get better and heal..sad but true. Thanks for sharing! 😉

                      Liked by 1 person

    • And… after what you said here… I get that you are basically talking matching one’s own outer with their own inner. Yeah? Basically living your own wisdom – if you understand the concept / principle then actually live it. Is that what you’re saying?

      And… the definition / meaning of coherency that I think I’m shooting for here and that you’ll see from the comment on that other post, is kinda what we might call “keeping one’s wits about them”, like the one who holds it together in a crisis while others are wigging out, so in the context of our conversations of holding one’s frequency up, it’s the same, keep your wits about you while you are doing that “relationshits” thing, like TYM says, LOL.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. There is this slogan…hmmmm…WHERE AND WHEN did I read it, for it was SO f’in germane at the time….hmmmm….

    Ah (got it). Story first. And I LOVED YOU’S GUYS’ STORIES, TOO. Validating. Not commiserating!

    I’d just been fired from a very big name nationally known hospice for engaging “empassioned Rehtoric” (only…didn’t even cuss one time) about a questionable UNETHICAL PRACTICE (I questioned it PASSIONATELY right to the face of my state’s head hauncho territory assistant numb-nut assistant CEO). After I stated my rationale, I asked point blank, “will you fire me for DOING CPR on a FULL CODE hospice patient?” She said, “No.”. She folded her arms defensively.

    That night, I made a formal inquiry of my state board of nursing. Painted the scenario…in writing. I didn’t say names…just the scenario. The response would take time…days to weeks.

    The next day…I woke up went to work…got to work early as I ALWAYS do, and just sorta…”This is such a toxic bad place, why stay?” I hand wrote a resignation letter right there: thanked them and expressed appreciation for the opportunity. Bye. This ONLY tooK 7 days to get to this point. Remember…got the ADD.

    My boss comes in, AND I HAND HER THE NOTE. OMG! This has never happened to me before (I’d not ever really been fired from a nursing job since becoming a nurse until these last two years). SHE REFUSED MY RESIGNATION “Because we terminated you after you left yesterday. No…please wait for HR to open so you can sign the termination letter,” and she seemed sorta gleeful. (Idiot).

    Anyway…I patiently waited. Why not? They also had my check. I had a Star Bucks waiting for me down the street next to my bank! So…HR comes in. She looks…nervous. And then I realized my bosses glee was actually nervousness and a weird anticipation like this is her speciality (This hospice is notorious for turn over)…why? Well…I was calm…centered…accepting. I’d already given up the job…THEY were holding me to termination (almost holding me hostage) and I think my obvious bored indulgent curiosity was making them freak out because the day before…I was raving about nursing standards and nursing ethics and quoting both from my practice act! Now, I just really wanted to get my money. I hadn’t had coffee yet! STARBUCKS…NOW…NATUAL RITALIN NOW NOW NOW…

    So..she sits me down (I’m all polite…ask if she’s ok…and she looks even more nervous). Me? I’m a hospice nurse…she seems to need care. I treat her like a patient. My boss? Idiot…wants to trigger something…but hasn’t figured out how do to do that.

    They present the termination paper. It says, “NON-COMPLIANCE WITH CPR POLICY AND PROCEDURE WITH REGARD TO (Blah Blah) Hospice.”

    “Sign this and here’s your final pay.” I say, “No.”

    I think my boss saw her chance to trigger me…she’s like, “YOU HAVE TO.” I’m like…”It says non-compliance with CPR policy and procedure. I have not even been to see a patient yet. I’M IN ORIENTATION. This whole mess started because you’re TRAINER happened to tell me, A SEASONED hospice nurse who HAS done CPR on full code dying patients that ‘It is WRONG and bad to do CPR on a full code hospice patient, and if the family wants it done they can call 911 themselves, and this is why (blah blah) hospice DOES NOT require its nurses to carry CPR certification.’ (BTW…IVE never worked in any hospice or any other health care setting that did NOT require a current and valid CPR Card.) ”

    “in fact, you are firing me for pure rehtoric…just talking about this is getting me fired. By the way, I sent a formal inquiry to my state board of nursing. Do you want me to share the results with you when they reply? I’m sharing because this is how nurses advance knowledge.”

    Ok, my boss has been waiting to trigger me. I can FEEL it. She failed the first attempt, and this second one…oh she’s jittery LITERALLY to get one in. “No! It doesn’t matter!! (Blah blah) hospice doesn’t care! WE will not change our policy and procedure!”

    I look at her, but it was the HR person that…caught my attention…she looked scared…lost…she just wanted to hand me my check. Her look…I cared. I cared for her fear.

    I think I just said, “OK.” I REALLY SUPER KINDLY AND POLITELY (honestly felt, too) excused myself…thanked them…and took my check with some humility (that what it felt like…) and looked each in the eye…and said “thank you for this opportunity.”

    The HR person with a sincere GRATITUDE….mixed with nervousness…walked me out respectfully and with dignity.

    And I got my starbucks, nom noms!!!

    I did get my state boards resonse two days after, and then I geared up and wrote the head of my state’s (Blah blah) hospice FOUND HIS NAME THROUGH THE GOOGLE GOD…I reamed (blah blah) hospice…explained every single micro detail…gave experiential context…and then Attached the nursing boards response…

    …”in all cases, the LVN must follow the doctors’s order. a FULL CODE status is a doctor’s order. In this case you presented, the HOSPICE’S policy and procedure does NOT apply and does not supersede the Doctor’s order, nor does it excuse the LVN from not acting on the order.
    if the LVN is in conflict with this mandate or the doctor order then The LVN is to remove himself/herself from the case after first bringing the issue up with the Hospice’s ethical comity.”

    Now, Two weeks later, this hospice’s office of ethics called me (wow…I got far up). They asked me what happened. They asked me if I’d come back to an equivalent position of Employment. I say “Hell NO,” and the I waffled…”No wait….I WANT THAT TEAINER’S job. I could do it WAY better.” He chucked…and then he indulgently said good bye. Two weeks after that, I GET COBRA forms…like I can afford 600 bucks a month for EXCELLENT health care (I could’a used it…but…not employed, remember?). Health care didn’t start at this company for 30 days. I was there for 7. Why COBRA forms?

    Now…that saying. I saw it on LinkedIn.com which I JUST HAD to give up because of all they hypocrisy I was reading…and no one read my rants (and no one was looking at my professional profile to hire me…wonder why? (Cough)). I read it just after being fired? The slogan was: “The most dangerous statement in the human language is ‘That’s just the way We’ve always done it here.’ ”

    I feel ya Bru’thah! I feel ya!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, the bureaucracy never ends and you didn’t have to sign anything, but I would have signed it ‘Daffy Duck under duress’ and then took my check very quickly before they saw how I signed it. LOL
      And by the way, ADD and ADHD is a ficticious diagnosis created by a psychiatrist in cohoots with big pharma to sell alot of ritalin (aka meth) and make alot of money. The one who created it confessed on his death bed that it didn’t exist. Most kids who are diagnosed with this, just need to cut sugar and processed foods out of their diets and they are back to normal, or is it abbynormal….LOL, it’s sad that parents fell for this, and allow even the schools these days to tell them that they must medicate their kids with this crap. They even call cps on them and that is another whole rabbit hole that disgusts me because it is not for the best interest of the kids but an adoption mill and revenue collectors much like traffic cops, for them to balance the budget on the backs of kids. In the UK they use this agency claiming ‘future emotional abuse’ as if they could even prove it and adopt the kids out. So, here is the article about the father of ADHD and how he confessed it was ficticious rght before he died, guess he knew he had hell to pay for what he did, and thought his confession might ease it some…or he grew a conscience while he was dying. http://www.naturalnews.com/040938_ADHD_fictitious_disease_psychiatry.html

      Liked by 1 person

      • Interesting article. I use that lable for myself “Mostly” in jest (but it WAS fact…until I gained enough experience to make connections that substantiated a better view).

        Bipolar, Schitzo disorders are diagnosed very quickly. “Doctor, I hear voices. The voices say bad bad things. When I talk about it to people, they freak out.” Doctor says, “YOU, dear lady (or sir) have Schizophrenia. Here’s drugs. Go in peace. By the way, if you break out in a rash and your skin sloughs of down to the muscle and you die from sepsis…call us…oh…and we have to do blood work on you every 3 months just to make sure the drug isn’t killing your liver or kidneys (too quickly…want you to keep working and not die too soon before you retire…but it’s ok if you do die on the day you retire or a few weeks later so Social security can be plundered more freely knowing I’m saving them like…150,000 bucks) We’ll try a different drug.”

        That takes 15 minutes…and maybe a total of one hour a year additional follow up evaluation time to adjust drugs.

        And then I see that person when they are dying. “Abusive childhood…raped as a child…(you get the picture), and I think, “Those voices are just you trying to process what trauma never got healed, and trauma has a voice…many people can’t relate to this…get uncomfortable…say you’re crazy…and then you go get a chemical lobotomy (’cause the ice pick through the eye to scramble your brain was SO unethical).

        I get it, TYM. And I utterly and totally agree.

        That article was VERY interesting, and the above is what I thought of when I read it. Than you!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • “And by the way, ADD and ADHD is a ficticious diagnosis… “

        Like how many other fictitious ailments / disease / illness? *yawn*

        An enlightened optometrist who’d healed his own eyes had said, “The disease won’t get ya but the diagnosis will.”

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So, from a comment thread above, the company with the messed up HR… this one guy there had gotten into trouble for flirting with some gal. They were both doing it, both married, neither had an issue with it, it was harmless. Well, this gal’s manager gets wind of it and makes a big whipping deal of it like it’s some sexual harassment thing. These two do the whole HR rigamarole and then, like little children, were sent to their respective corners – they were basically not allowed to be in the same room together. If there was a meeting they both were to attend then one or the other had to not show. *shaking head*

    Ok, so, that was stupid enough. Then, one of the gals who worked in mfg gets to telling me that she was only in this dept. because she’d been transferred to get away from some real harassment. She’d been working with a bunch of good ol’ boys who’d been there forever and were real jerks. She was working swing shift and she and one of these jerks had to go elsewhere for something and they were walking together and he says, “Gee all alone here, ya know, I could rape you and no one would know.” And that was just ONE thing said. She couldn’t get HR to do anything… oh, until she got a lawyer, but did they do anything to these good ol’ boys? Nope. Just moved her to a different dept., which I got the impression she wasn’t necessarily thrilled with, so she essentially got the “punishment.”

    I heard this and I’m floored considering how this guy’s situation was so blown out of proportion. I told her and him that we all needed to go out for a beer sometime and they needed to hear each other’s stories and yes, they couldn’t believe it either.

    Liked by 2 people

    • (shaking head). Bureaucracy and nepotism are a toxic work “Trauma Mill.” That’s all I have to say about it.

      Gotta get a lawyer to stop it? Man…that’s money out of my pocket to keep my self safe at the place I work.

      There’s like…so much more to say about this…and the solutions are there. Getting a lawyer is a solution. Going to HR and getting moved is a solution in response to the problem.

      But WHY isn’t the problem fixed?

      “Bureaucracy and nepotism” are a toxic “Self perpetuating: toxic work Trauma Mill. So long as it exists and they are the authority, The solutions are the same, and they are so not gratifying.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yep, that is the corporate world for ya. Just like the Vatican, when a priest is molesting children, and people complain, they just mve the priest, and no one is the wiser until the next set of victims show up. But of course, they forgive the priest, and he goes into hiding or to some other Parrish, and it never ends. It’s been a man’s world for a long time, and nepotism runs rampant thru all these businesses.
        Had some bad bosses, but usually could find their weakness and dig in. I could break them, if I gotta be pals with their wives and get the dirt on them. We had company picnics once a year, so easy to meet ther wives and find out what makes them tick. Alot of it starts in highschool where they are allowed to bully and get away with not working as hard as the rest of us. I had a group of boys that constantly teased me, made fun of my last name, had me in tears most days. Then a new girl comes to town, she was pretty and popular, but most girls that were popular were the ones who were ‘putting out’ so to speak. One day she overheard them teasing me, she was running for class president, and she was not one of those girls, but turned out to be very nice. She told me some ‘secrets’ about each one of the boys that were teasing me, giving me some ammunition to make them stop. So funny, because I lived there most my life and didn’t know these things about these boys, thought they were just horrible people, but it worked, the next time they came at me, I unloaded on them. The look on their faces was priceless. That was my first lesson in how to deal with the bullies and ones who like to talk down to you like you are beneath them. It is mostly a cover for their insecurity and they have secrets….once you know it, they are knocked down and notch and now fear you….there is always a way to put them in their place. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

        • Have you seen the movie “The Hot Flashes”?
          http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2201251/

          Pretty good just old school (I’m so old school, I spell school right) comedy… in a small town setting. I rarely ever rematch any movies but I watched this one night then watched it again the next morning and a few more times since. You made me think of it with “having dirt on someone”. Brook Shields’ character’s daughter had enough with what used to be her best friend and gave everyone else the dirt on her.

          Like

          • No, I have never seen that one. I just watched the trailer to that movie ‘The Hot Flashes’ and it looks hilarious…will watch that tonight! I have watched alot of movies, have some favorites like ‘What about Bob?’ and ‘Ground Hogs Day’. Seems like Hollywood needs some new writers or new producers as they keep making the same movies over and over…I guess there are no new stories, or they might think they can do better than the last one. Last night I watched a new series on Star called ‘American Gods’. Very bizarre movie and haven’t quite figured out what is going on, but blood seems to be a big theme in it. I think it is them trying to do some cine photography much like some of those that do slow motion and bizarre focal points, but interesting. Would like to find out who Mr. Wednesday is…I think it is that they are Gods competing with each other, and the world that most don’t see. Anyway, I watch most of my shows on KODI, but if you have stars, you can find it or maybe it’s on their website. American God’s trailer: https://youtu.be/3awG5wEE7LU

            Liked by 2 people

        • OH Man, TYM! You have powers I know not of…

          …Well…no, I have heard of such secrets in hidden places that have spoken in low hushed whispers of the power you wield (quaking…shivering…licking of tremulous lips and furtive side glances).

          LOL…what you speak of takes GREAT courage…self esteem…confidence.

          Me? Those elements required to wield such a power are mine to “Develop” in this life…OR…be “Re-familiarized” with so that I can foster the same in others.

          Ironically, I am more likely of the prophet type.

          What you speak of is that of a warrior, TYM…and OH…Bless all warriors of the light; that they find their way through the mobs that would tear them…cut and wound them, for Darkness’ in the minds of men would aim is to diminish the light in the world. Bless The warriors of light for their sacrifice. Bless them in their baring malice! Bless them so that we may see the smug snear of the wicked darkened heart melt into glorious man-baby sobs or contrite submission to their own humanity and, thus, be redeemed towards a more humane path…with humility as their hard won badge given by the hand of the Almighty’s warriors of light.

          In the name of Mother Mary and the baby Jesus, Amen (The multitude’s chorus “Amen”)!!!!

          Praise Jeeeessssusssss (The multitude’s chorus, “And his mama Mary, too”)!!!!!

          Liked by 1 person

          • The warrior’s theme song:
            Fight the good fight by Triumph
            The days grow shorter and the nights are getting long
            Feels like we’re running out of time
            Every day it seems much harder tellin’ right from wrong
            You got to read between the lines

            Don’t get discouraged, don’t be afraid, we can
            Make it through another day
            Make it worth the price we pay

            The Good Book says it’s better to give than to receive
            I do my best to do my part
            Nothin’ in my pockets I got nothin’ up my sleeve
            I keep my magic in my heart

            Keep up your spirit, keep up your faith, baby
            I am counting on you
            You know what you’ve got to do

            Fight the good fight every moment
            Every minute every day
            Fight the good fight every moment
            It’s your only way

            All your life you’ve been waiting for your chance
            Where you’ll fit into the plan
            But you’re the master of your own destiny
            So give and take the best that you can

            You think a little more money will buy your soul some rest
            You’d better think of something else instead
            You’re so afraid of being honest with yourself
            You’d better take a look inside your head

            Nothing is easy, nothing good is free
            But I can tell you where to start
            Take a look inside your heart
            There’s an answer in your heart

            Fight the good fight every moment
            Every minute every day
            Fight the good fight every moment
            Make it worth the price we pay

            Every moment of your lifetime
            Every minute every day
            Fight the good fight every moment
            Make it worth the price we pay

            Which is why i say, choose your battles wisely, because we have paid the price, you are worth it, make it worth the price we pay. https://youtu.be/BT1ircqQklo

            Liked by 2 people

  6. I was talking to a friend today. She reminded me (as YOU TWO have been doing) that different levels of consciousness and awareness manifest. They can’t help but to manifest.

    When I’m in the presence of an authority that is less aware than me, I know it. But here is my weak link, and I only just realized this after all that’s been said here and by my friend: The reason I react (powerfully, and admittedly it scares people because I get LOUD…AND I DON’T CARE who hears because the consequences lands in the environment for anyone to see anyway, so why leave room for conjecture?) is because IT FREAK ME OUT THAT SOMEONE IN AUTHORITY WHO IS NOT AWARE IS A THREAT!

    I Act like it. My reactions are a pretty unambiguous defensive response because I know this person can actively create something that’s gonna strip my gears and I’ll feel a lot of conflict while I toil with trying to make it work EVEN THOUGH it won’t work without me compromising something important. Could be money, time…ethics…breaking rules…going loosy-goosy on my standards…ALL OF WHICH I will own. And when they say, “That’s not going to happen,” I go from 60 to 110 (cause I already went from 0-60).

    THIS is something I need to heal somehow…because even walking away (leaving my ID badge, enemas and diapers on the manager’s desk) IS STILL the consequence of this disparity between my level of awareness and the shitty ass authorities awareness.

    So, sure…I own the consequence, and I get really sick and tired of the time, energy and resource it wastes FOR EVERYONE, but most importantly to me is MY time, MY Energy and MY Resources being “Misdirected” because of…authority with self serving ego awareness engaged and consequences to hand out.

    So…I get that, I too, have consequences to hand out. Mine can be equal…but its MY Energy going into that when I’d rather put it into: Doing a good job, not wasting time with unclear unconscious and unaware communications that is honed more for gaming then solving problems.

    I hate bullies by the way.

    Like

    • Ya gotta look out for yourself. That’s your job that no one else can do it for you. And yep, as heartbreaking as others’ experiences are, they got there through their own choices, kinda blew THEIR job of looking out for THEMselves. Not your / our problem enough to get drug down.

      I look at incidents like us telling ’em what they need to hear as an opportunity and I’m sure it’s actually one of many. Up to them whether they seize it or not.

      And the last bit you said there… regardless of field / industry, we’re talking politics here. The jobs themselves were either easy or challenging in a fun way. Yeah, I’d have LOVED to just do my job, especially the couple that were totally up my alley. But yep, irritating as hell when there are idiots and a-holes in positions of authority who are total road blocks to progress. Life on Planet Earth is different than milk… instead of the cream rising to the top, the crap did… those willing to sell out.

      Liked by 2 people

      • So… what to look for? In one regard is it re-action, acting again as you have before? And no, not just because that’s what there is to run into in this world (see below) OR are you re-sponding? Responsibility – the ability to respond. Evil enters the world when good men fail to act.

        I always think of that old line, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.” Even outrage can come from a place of love.

        Keep running into things… yeah, always useful to look for repeating patterns in your life that will reveal childhood wounds or programming, but… The reason I’d gotten into astrology was because I’d had two long-term partners who were both workaholics. My two long time adult friends were also workaholics. Me? No. My family? No. We could all work circles around most everybody else but not workaholics. But I kinda wondered if I was the common denominator in some way. Why was I attracting workaholics?

        Well, I came to understand that ya don’t throw yourself into a tank full of alligators then wonder why you keep attracting alligators. I threw myself into a world full of dysfunctional people who use any and every way to distract themselves from themselves. And workaholism is probably the most popular drug of choice and is certainly promoted and there are SO many people with this same addiction that they don’t even see it as a problem, ya know, it’s “normal”, yeah, as in, “the norm”, not to be confused with “healthy” and they all enable each other’s dysfunction.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Ya know, if I were you, I’d really not concern myself with your outer response. Hey, getting really ticked may be what it takes for the message to even stand a chance to get through to them.

      The thing I’d watch for is how it affects YOU inwardly, and not necessarily right in that moment as you get after them, but does it really grate on you afterward and for a while? Ya know, back to what is yours and what is other’s. That inner stuff shows what more you have to do and the other’s work is theirs.

      Hey, I flat have feigned anger with some folks, then turn around and wink at whoever else is standing there. And there was next to no residual energy hanging on me, I’d said my piece, done.

      You and I were talking “audacity”. The old paradigm is REALLY audacious and not in a good way, but it comes through a bunch of Walking Zombies who are so caught up in fear they just mindlessly keep feeding that system that serves no one.

      Perhaps a metaphorical stick of dynamite up their arse might jar them loose… again… sounds like the compassionate thing to do / be.

      Liked by 2 people

      • “Perhaps a metaphorical stick of dynamite up their arse might jar them loose… again… sounds like the compassionate thing to do / be.”

        ABSOLUTELY!

        Want to thank TYM and GAF for the dynamic sharing of excellent and thoughtful perspective and experiences. The synthesis!

        TYM: “Take the money and RUN (“Forest…Runnnnn”).

        GAF: I think I’m beginning to see more clearly “Coherence.” SHIT!

        GAF & TYM: A door opened today (I think some people call this a “Download/Upgrade). And it was the simplest thing. It’s a very difficult thing to describe though because it’s…visually intuitive (I see it in my mind, and I feel its image and how it works…and I understand it…but these things are like…super hard to verbally articulate). I think people call this “Multi-dimentional sense…or a sense of its multi-dimensional-ness” where as before it was merely a vague sense and fairly ambiguous BUT VERY IMPACTING…like when you are in a dark room but you keep running into a wall…but you don’t know its a wall, it just f’in hurts when you keep running into it or the other walls, furniture…corners of tables…like that…or like you are in that same room with a lovely flashlight but you are walking one way while pointing the flashlight in the other direction because you hear something that way but want to go someplace else (like the bathroom) If I try to describe it, I’d have to say iI’m getting a much more definitive vision of what a distinction between opposing levels of awareness and consciousness is…or looks like, feels like…the boundaries around them and how they distinguish…

        See? Super hard to describe, but it’s new to me, and thanks for all the “Synthesis” here. It was incredibly helpful…beccause not being aware of this new thing has been a real source of trouble for me…trouble…reaction…response and consequences (interpersonal).

        It’s not scary…but I see how well defended the boundaries are…and perhaps, too…it is the defense I’m sensing, too…which is weird. I’ve never perceived “Defense” like this…the idea of it as sensed and defined by something I’m not used to using to perceive it.

        Weird.

        Take care you guys….sleep well!!!.

        And…Thanks you guys!

        Liked by 2 people

        • Thank you Brian for taking care of you.

          Funny you trying to describe such… Just now, I decided I’d listen to this:
          https://gaiaascensionforerunner.wordpress.com/2016/05/28/but-theres-one-thing-that-unites-us-all/

          Cracks me up every time, as if I’d never seen the thing a million times by now. But, Laughter Breaking up the Illusion, Adele’s singing and SNL’s dramatic acting, lol, had me feeling like all expansive and shit and I felt like I was expanding out in time really, back and forward in time, taking in how frickin’ immense this project is and yet we’re doing it.

          In this seconds-long swoop sensing / seeing of what has happened already, I had this brief flash of the weight of the world on my shoulders and I thought of the Styx song TYM mentioned – “Sometimes I feel like a man in the wilderness” and Piglet (from Pooh) saying, “I feel like a very small animal.” And just as quickly as that had come and as intense as the feeling was, it was gone, replaced by even greater expansiveness and awe of what we’ve done so far. We rock!

          Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t like bullies either but I don’t hate them…hate is a powerful negative force, that just takes you deeper into the muck. And as for authority, no one has authority over you unless you give that away to them. You have to turn the tables. Every bully, in my eyes, had something horrendous going on at home, I actually feel sorry for them, and I turn the tables on them. Their goal is to get you to engage, you ruffle your feathers, if you don’t, that makes them even more angry. I had one bad boss, whom we had gotten that photo from, turn so red in the face, and clinch his fists, he could not be a boss to us anymore, he could not be an authority, the cat is out of the bag…once you have discovered how insecure and low they are, they can feel your power over theirs and it makes the angry, which is something they gotta work on. You just take your power back, and watch them squirm…then say to them ‘Your welcome’. The know they have no power over you anymore. Bullies are the weakest and most insecure ones. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ve been hooked so often…I KNOW both sides of this coin, for in being hooked and reactive…the victim then becomes the perpetrator (or the rescuer). It’s a triangular effect that self perpetuates, and it is utterly TOXIC to all concerned.

        As always, you speak very wisely, TYM…and you’re experience proves this.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. So…MY DAY just started with a laugh!

    Seems like you guys, here, at GAF got it ALLLLLLL covered, and…you do.

    I say, “Woe is me.”

    GAF and TYM say, “Check this work we did a few years back (boink: Link).

    I say, “oh.” (DOH!)

    TYM and GAF say, “See? Now here’s a song to prove it (boink: Link).

    I say, “Oh yeah! I have that song digitally worn down to the nub already cause it got me through a dark night.”

    GAF and TYM say, “MmmmHmmmmm….wanna laugh?” (Boink: Link)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had two long-term partners in my life. One of each gender. First off, I’m here to tell ya, neither gender has cornered the market in dysfunction. lol But, my last long-term partner is a water sign. They had passive aggression shit going on in spades when we were together. This song really nailed the feeling of drowning in all their watery passive aggression.

      And… underwater singing. How awesome is that?!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, GAF (mock pierced heart)…I can can assure you from the very hearth of the noble house of Cancer, my clan and my ilk meant no harm.

        And for God’s sake!!! What the F**K where you THINKING!!!

        I am not a hypocrite. I, Ray of Helios, admit…that I have had many long term relationships (its that damn sagatarian moon, you see), and the MAJORITY of them were (swear to The Powers) were ALWAYS some synchronistic Aries -water hybrid mix! The THREE longest (5 year, 11 year and my current 5 years and counting) were Aries cusping Pieces, A double Aries with a Scorpio Moon and an Aries with a Scorpio Rising rising and a Pieces Moon. This last has been my MOST challenging; has hit every f’in red hot fire button I have, but my stubborn Leo rising just empowers that Cancerean Claw of death hold….

        …And I learn things…THE HARD WAY obviously (You know how Aries are). But…I love ’em all…and still love ’em all, and am on good terms with all of them, and they have all met each other…and like each other…and have laughed with each other.

        …And water signs ain’t got nothing on Tourus, Baby! That clan goes DEEP…MORE STUBORN with the feelings, and can bury any cancerean in a tidal wave of muddy dense feeling…and HOLD A GRUDGE like no one’s business (except for virgo…and Scorpio who you gotta watch out for because the share the sharpening stone for they respective axes)…BUT OH THE LOVE they got…second to none!

        The above is not to be conjectured to infer that any one particular astrological sign to be more or less virtuous as the other, but is meant to draw appreciative humor…’cause Cancereans are THE BEST WEARIEST WHINNIEST MAN-BABY’S OUT THERE (Keening whine…Did you hear that? the sound travels through water baby…can decimate whole pods of whales 500 miles out).

        Liked by 1 person

        • LMAO. Unevolved vs evolved… don’t matter the sign.

          This ex is Pisces. I had many a Pisces in my life and learned much about them. I finally came to realize that the biggest thing in that for me was to learn about the Age of Pisces.

          So, when this Pisces and I first got together, I used to crush on Dennis Quaid. I then find out this Pisces would crush on Meg Ryan and those two were together at the time.

          Years later, after my ex and I split, they were seeing a Scorpio for a couple years. After that, they said never again. lol

          I did not see any Aries, but met many while on a dating stint and, ah, yeah, I could live without them.

          Then I think to look up Dennis and Meg. Aries and Scorpio. I told my ex and we laughed. Eh, maybe we’re not so hip on Dennis and Meg now. lol

          Liked by 1 person

          • The sun signs…ahhhhh, and can spot them a mile away, each have their own base characteristics as my professional dating for 30 some years, and know all too well Aquarius are fickle, cancer full of themselves, leos charismatic egos, tauruses stubborn workaholics, and Aires, well, my grandson is an aires…he is a work in progress! Don’t think I ever dated an aires but I am a fire sign, Sagitarious, with Pisces moon, and they say we become more like our moon sign as we get older. All are no indication of their level of consciousness but have their own path and issues….as Sag’s are flirts and have foot in mouth disease, we all have the same to overcome and become aware of. Scorpio’s are kinda scarey, and gemini’s oh, the gemini’s the two faced actors…LOL, well, just done with all that. I am enough already! LOL

            Like

                • The Taurus who had said, “If you don’t want my opinion…” was someone I only dated once, but I told them with all my fixed earth Taurus energy, my fellow Gemi with all their scattered, manic, loquaciousness (a word I’ve only ever heard used to describe Gemi’s… like you only hear the words curmudgeon and ingénue in theater, lol) kinda just drove me nuts. They said my fellow Gemi’s drove them nuts too. LOL

                  I can certainly talk, but I’m also a good listener so I think some folks are surprised I’m Gemi.

                  Ok, here’s a story… an Aries story. My Gemi Sun is in the 1st House so there’s some Aries goodies there. I played softball with this Aries who, to look at, you might think they’re a bit timid. Not hardly. Well, they were a decent person and would be “going to battle” over whatever, the kinds of things I’d act on but I didn’t have to ‘cuz they were doing so.

                  So, I was on this (too funny, gee, major athlete here) miniature golf league (read beer-drinking league) and we were going to be short a couple people so I asked this Aries to come and this Capricorn that I had met online. Well, this Capi and I had time alone and also around people and they’d been around the block and read people well etc. (Pisces Moon too, if I remember right.) So, we were all drinking beer before our start time. It came up how I will call people on the carpet. This Capi knew this. But the Aries was floored. “What? You? I can’t imagine.” AH HA HA. And the Capi is nodding emphatically, “Oh yeah!”

                  I told the Aries that for the most part, they would always step up first so they may never see that side of me ‘cuz they had it handled. lol

                  Liked by 2 people

            • And two-faced? Nope, not so much. Probably many folks would have rathered that I was as opposed to just giving it to ’em straight like I did. My blunt Sadge Moon and ALL my Taurus will certainly give it to ya straight. I’d heard a Taurus talking about silly people asking their opinion, ya know, “If ya don’t want my opinion, don’t ask.” I always take that further than the next person though because I see INDIRECT ways that people ask… so I answer. 🙂

              But, my Gemi energy… no problem following rules but really good at finding the loop hole.

              And yet if I don’t want to disclose something, my Taurus energy will allow me to put on a stone face and when that’s going on, well, you’ll need superpowers to know what’s going on in my head.

              Mutable? Quickly changeable? Absolutely.
              My astrologer was Gemini also and said we’re the Tiggers of the Zodiac – we bounce back quickly.

              Try a Scorpio Moon (well, with the right combos and lingering issues). You wanna get whiplash, there’s yer chance.

              Liked by 2 people

              • Between we three, there are two sag. Moons and a cardinal sag.

                There is a tradinal affinity.

                This has been a nice portal through which to connect. It’s so nice to me’cha!

                I have had two Gemini Boyfriends! They were both equal in hot passionate sparks of instant infatuation get obsession for me. And by GOD, they were my most biggest most horrible heart wrenching heartbreaks of ALL time, second in intensity (nearly equal) was the one and only sag, I ever dated! (Ow…ow ow ow ow (smack hand) STOP poking at that scar!!!) LOL!

                That said, in the presents of a Gemini, it always feels…soulful…because I sync with the mental process…it’s easy, sharp…clear (for me) to follow. Try to apply a grasping cancerean love claw and that, it evaporates leaving a big ol chasm of emptiness.

                Sag? Lord…can talk and talk and talk and share and dream and “hey! He was just right here…op….HEY! How’d you get all the way down the road, and that smoking dust trail that hasn’t settled, I can still see it. You move FAST (sag waves cheerfully…still smell that Nom nom wild scent that drives me crazy…I keep a little of his scent on a hankie I stole from his drawer (sigh)).

                I dated two other cancereans! They are so f’in clingy and icky…NEVER NEVER NEVER again! Uh uh! Love cancer woman (as friends). Can not STAND cancerean Men in any form except they I may some times allow their orbit to cross mine (broad wide orbit…slow like) because sometimes you just gotta find the perfect commiserating chum to hash things out and know they get you(if you can get past them)

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                • “He was just right here…op….HEY! How’d you get all the way down the road, and that smoking dust trail that hasn’t settled, I can still see it.”

                  Oh yeah, the grass don’t grow long under Sadge feet. They can be just as frustrating in that regard as friends. Here’s a little theme song for Sadge. 🙂

                  And talk! I had this good Sadge friend for years. They come over one day and hung out for a couple hours. As soon as they left, I got on the computer and emailed ’em… with all the things I’d have liked to say but couldn’t get a word in edgewise… and I told ’em that too. They laughed, “That bad, eh?” “You don’t know!”

                  My Venus is in Cancer. It certainly could have been Clingy, yes, with a capital C, but it was hard to cling to partners that were never home. lol Mucho fights over that. I’d have spent less time alone if I were single. I have to laugh because this “fear of being alone” thing shows up in my 10th House Chiron and yet I never really had a problem being alone per se. I definitely had a problem being in relationshiTs with ghosts. lol Growing up in Small Town USA, I was very busy in sports and other things so if I got some solitude time I relished it. And I always appreciated my own company, but… come on! lol

                  Liked by 1 person

                • Sag males are players…there are alot of astrologists that say that Sags are the best partners for Sag’s…WRONG….at least the Sag I dated, was such a player but really good at hiding it. Normally I could see a player coming a mile away. Relationshits are mostly to mirror to you but sometimes it’s just a heartbreak, and then you realize…I don’t need no relationshit, I can do bad all on my own! LOL
                  Repeat after me ‘I am enough already’. Ya just gotta be working on your stuff before you try to be in a relationship because it’s just not gonna work.
                  Ya, I always had on my report card, ‘Talks to much’ and got 7th hour which I usually spent doing my homework so I never took it home. Finally, the coach who did the 7th hours with us, got tired of seeing me in there….it never bothered me to get 7th hour, and he just said ‘Get outta here’! It made me laugh, cuz they get tired of trying to mold you into a a silent obedient student. I was mostly bored, it just wasn’t that interesting…except the science teacher…’I wonder’. LOL

                  Like

                  • I’ve observed Sadge lesbians who left quite the mess in their wake as they hopped and skipped from here to there, yeah, don’t blink, you’ll miss it. And then if two ex partners got together after they were done with her, that somehow was a betrayal to her… after she’d been doing the two of them at the same time on the sly. WHO was betrayed? LMAO

                    Yeah, all ultimately comes back to self. Relating with others comes to that when ya break it down… then settling into yourself after you realize there is no such thing as “my other half”. Yep, be whole unto oneself… and what a GREAT partner that would make.

                    When I was in 4th grade, the lunch routine was the teacher would send us all to the bathroom to do our bidness and wash up. When we got back, then we were to sit there and wait for her while she made her bathroom run. I’ll never forget, she comes back one day and says all she could hear was me and this other person. LOL When I was a senior and this person was a junior we were singing the solos in choir at concert that year. Yep, our destiny with our loud mouths. lol

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                  • Ya know, with Sadges (ya know, yeah, strong Sadge energy… ‘cuz depends on what else is going on) I’ve kinda felt like they just needed to go run around and travel the world and not get attached (and communicate to others that’s how it is for them) and get it out of their system but later in life, perhaps a bit past midlife then they’d probably make good, loyal partners who were there and ready to settle in.

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                • When I was young, talking was my problem, but I think as Sag”s are young, instead of keeping their thoughts to themselves, they always just say it, hence the ‘foot in mouth disease’. I learned to keep it to myself, unless of course I needed to tell something to someone, but listening and observing was quite a neat shift instead of just talking…and learned being alone with me was just fine…no need for someone to be by my side. I was the one sitting at home waiting for my ‘cancer’ to get home. Having that alone time helped me understand I just didn’t need it. I suppose I was not a typical Sag anymore than any other sign are always typical to their sun signs, there is so much more to it than the Sun sign.
                  One time, a guy I was dating was sitting with me watching some nature show, and I started to talk about how unfair nature was that the males got to be so pretty and the female (birds) had to be drab and camouflage to their environment. His retort was ‘You babble too much’. Ok, so I was babbling…WTH…I suppose watching a nature show together was the most exhilarating thing to watch, wasn’t aware that I was to be silent or not talk about my observations…LOL. I think most of the babbling is just their thoughts that most won’t say and just are quiet. That is sooooooo funny, have had many jobs or people that silence was imperative, and fine with me…but suppose when I was younger, I would have had to run away! LOL. 😉

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                  • Hey TYM and GAF,

                    Astrology to relationships – Natural tradition of topic! My last Ex (11 years)…the Double Aries with Scorp. Moon, we were a mess together. Gloriously Karmic! I remember a vision I had once: I with a comrade back to back in battle, swords raised. We were prefect well matched in dysfunction and co-dependance. Amazing, eh??! And..we were in therapy almost the whole time (together and separately with same therapist (really lovely therapist that engaged transactional analysis AND Reiki…and Trance reading. Oh yea…I was totally holistic). Anyway…I get fed up (with him and myself with him). And I left (but didn’t abandon). Later I found another partner, but started dating almost right away.

                    It was hard for him, but he said…”You know, I’ve always known you HATED to be alone.” I was floored. I’d never known that about myself. He’s right. I STILL don’t like being alone. I think it’s because I’m so INCREDIBLY introverted (INFJ personality). And I use work and relationships as my primary socializing. And I LOVE solitude (vs. being “Alone.”). Is that odd? If so, then that’s why people always say I’m one of the oddest (love or hate) kind of people they’ve ever met.

                    So…Aries and Taurus are my favorite lovers. (any sign can be a player) but the Aries and Taurus don’t seem to be so…incidiously deviant about deceit…the ones I’ve known anyway. They tend to be blunt. What you see is what you get. See? I don’t wanna think to much about that part.

                    I can’t stand players…well…no. Players (the really really good ones) make you feel like you are the most wonderful thing in the world…wine, dine…have away about the eyes…that goes right to instinct (can you feel that??). Of course, once that which is wanted and attained…the floor falls out, and part of the “Charge” the player gets IS getting what they want through means that don’t give direct choice. And at anytime…they can say, “You could’a said, no. You never had to go along, but you got something, too, right?” Damn! They’re right….”I hate you bastard, but lie to me one more lil’ time before you go and I lay my head down in a small little death of despair and grief, ‘k? (bastard).” a great and many a song have sung of the player.

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                    • I’ve heard it said that, again, the difference between “alone” and “solitude”… is just a choice. *nodding* OR one you don’t want and the other you do.

                      Yeah, like I’d kinda said, but you’d had it too – Really? Me? I’m “scared” to be alone? I still laugh at it. Like I just said, I couldn’t see the point of being in partnership then not seeing much of one’s partner… but it still seems silly to me, did all the way through my life that I’d be scared to be alone and I don’t know if I worked out all the various wrinkles to deal with that not knowing or labeling it as such or what, but yeah, seemed so silly. Me? But like you said, stolen choices. THAT was what ticked me off, the lip service, saying one thing but obviously not meaning it (irritating my Gemini observation skills). Yep, lack of truth, honesty and integrity. Yep, have to say this old weary warrior is still ticked at such. What part of God IS Truth don’t folks understand?

                      And yet… how much was really “lessons” or “growth” even. What if it was really more for preparation.

                      Enter ascension-hell years isolation at levels off the frickin’ charts, yet live in a dense area on a busy NOISY arterial so get all the energetic and audible shit of humanity with next to no human contact. In general, I’m still mostly ok with that and it really only bothers me if I drift off of PRESENT, like maybe thinking about (and really GOING there) just how many ascension-hell years there are stacked up now. Then I feel sorry for myself. Get present again – I’m fine. The tops are made of rubber, the bottoms are made of the springs! T i double geh er. TIGGER!

                      Don’t know if you’ve read My Twin Flame post? I will not be with my tf (as you’ll see) but I am connected with someone else, a Taurus, a few times over. The connection is so nice and I really look forward to diving into all that Taurus energy, all aspects of it.

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                    • After my Dennis and Meg story (and Scorp. Moon comment) you say:
                      “My last Ex (11 years)…the Double Aries with Scorp. Moon, we were a mess together.”

                      I’m thinking, my God, I can so hear my conversation with my Pisces ex – “I’ve a horror story to tell you. Well, I’ll just say it because this IS the beginning, middle and ending of this, yes, make no mistake, HORROR STORY *shuddering* and it goes like this… My last Ex (11 years)…the Double Aries with Scorp. Moon, we were a mess together.”

                      LMAO I know my ex will think so too.

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                  • Yeah, my biggest issue with my workaholic partners was – why be in a relationship and not be there. What is the point of that exactly? I’d rather be single. Perhaps my partners sensed I’d be out the door if they’d just get their words lined up with their reality… and I gave far too many chances even though I called ’em on things, talked till I was blue in the face.

                    And I coulda just went about my life and who knows how that would have shifted their energy but I just didn’t see the point of acting single while in partnership.

                    I did see big of evidence that I could have shifted and perhaps that would have shifted them… after the fact with the Pisces. I spent many years waiting for them. After we split, one day I asked if they’d like to go out to dinner. Yes, but they wanted to workout after work. No problem, I had my own agenda… but I didn’t wait this time. I knew better. As I was ready to move in that direction I did. I go to the business district and park. My ex calls. I say I’m parking but not sure where I’m going yet. They’re done working out but want to drink beer. Uh huh, typical. I’m not waiting. I walk out to the street, decide to get sushi, sit at the bar and order. They call, done drinking beer but want to go tan. See how this goes?! By the time they were standing next to me, I’d eaten, paid with a card and was just picking my card up and was ready to leave. As I’d seen so many times over the years when my ex was in “busted!” mode, they looked like a little kid who knew they were in trouble. I never had a problem with them being late ever again and if there was any chance they might be, they were proactive and called to say how late there were running and they actually meant what they said. When we were together if I’d had a nickel for every “I’ll be home in half a hour” that I’d heard, many per night, I’da been quite wealthy.

                    Water elements don’t have much concept of time either and this whole incident really hammered that home for me. Yes, my ex most certainly had passive aggression / control freak issues but I think the really watery component was just that they didn’t realize that they were actually using up time with… workouts, beer drinking and tanning. It’s like by waiting for them they felt they’d stopped time… or could extend time as they needed to. It worked for them at work – if they didn’t get as much done as they’d like, they could just extend their work day, like it never occurred to them that they didn’t manifest that extra time out of thin air, it came out of their personal time. By me finally not “waiting” for them, it’s like it finally sunk it that all those things actually take time… time enough for me to pick a restaurant, sit down, order, eat, and pay for it. Ahh! Time didn’t stop for them. They finally got it and I finally got it that I obviously had to SHOW them. Talk was not actually communicating shit to them.

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                    • Oh yea, GAF (and TYM)! See? Take care of YOURSELF! Your ex was.

                      This lesson I’m learning late in life…Cardinal Cancer has big ass control issues. OH MAN! POWER THAT WITH FIRE ON BOTH SIDE…I got THERMAL STEAM POWER CONTROL, Baby!!! MmmmmHmmmmm…

                      But the thing is, I don’t want it! Every single time I engage a control, I “Feel” that energy flow out the channel never to return. It’s really awful, and the GUILT. You’re not driven by guilt, GAF. Oh…but I am, and the control thing…makes it DOUBLE worse. Being a controlling empath is terrible…as in…a curse terrible.

                      But…there’s the path. Am I really in control? And…OH….(looking at the data I’ve finally gotten an AL Degree (About Life Degree) in life that allows me to read and understand it)…Its ACTUALLY control that causes CHAOS (NOT REALLY THE OTHER WAY AROUND). Control…STOPS THE NATURAL FLOW. It INHIBITS choice (doesn’t “Steal” it like a lie, but it causes someone to loose trust in themselves…and you need to trust yourself to make choices…or to learn from the choices so you can build your ability to make them BETTER). OH MAN! When I came to that awareness I FELT SHAME for all the control issues I’ve engaged over my life…and I felt regret! And…again…there’s the path…Forgive…ACCEPT…

                      “…(Yoda) And There the path to Harmony will it lead you (MmmmmHmmmm).”

                      Relationship…Oh…and parenting are supposed to kinda…present challenges to learn these lessons…so I’ve been told.

                      But…There are any number of other ways. You still DO have yourself, and everything that is in another for you to learn from, there is all the same humanness in you to learn the very “Self Same” lesson.

                      In or out of relationship…it’s all gonna get done, Baby!

                      Word!

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                    • Yeah, well, little direct me, had to learn mostly from all that, that some people don’t communicate through words. I also learned to read the Pisces face and body language which was blatant like a neon billboard but they never knew it. I’d say, “What you’re communicating to me is…” “I didn’t say that!” “I didn’t say you SAID it. You communicated it to me.” They did disgust really well. And yet ask ’em to talk about it? No frickin’ way. And they’d think I couldn’t see it. Good Pisces they were, they read other’s expressions and body language but thought theirs was somehow hidden.

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                    • I hear you, GAF. I’m a TERRIBLE lier. I’m not particularly good a hiding things for the same reason you mention: I communicate dynamically. WE all do weather we are aware of it or not.

                      I once took this communication test for a Liaison job. It tested for four main styles of communication in both normal and stressed states.

                      I scored evening and high in all four styles under normal circumstances (Bully for me. It’s why I’m good at what I do as a hospice nurse). But…Under stress, I revert to a sole single style (the other three styles were completely absent under stress)…it was called, “Control/Take.” Yep…Control take.

                      Oddly, I only have one particularly sensitive trigger (real LOW threshold for this trigger…takes VERY LITTLE to set it off)…if I even perceive a HINT of my choices being taken away, SHAZAM! Control/take. It’s instant. I must be in control of myself at all times. Manipulation, Dark magic word weaving, invalidating…these all hit my hot red button.

                      And it seems so transparent to me about myself when I engage the same thing on another…I’m aware of myself when I’m doing it (programming…conditioned stuff we all do and have learned in our Earth School House).

                      Someone says to me, “You’re being really passive aggressive, Brian.” I say…”Hell yes! Better than being aggressive! There’s a reason for passive aggressive…To avoid aggravated aggression because your my boss, and you’re also pissing me off by ALSO being manipulative (condescending, invalidating…dictorial and unreasonable, blaming and assuming I’m wrong before you asking one single question)…and to be aggravated and overtly disrespectfully pissy with you would loose me my job…so YES! I AM BEING PASSIVE AGRESSIVE (Blank stare…stunned into dumb utter disblief, and when the smoke stops spewing from their over worked brain, and thought comes back on line…I can see…they are backing away…real slow…”Man…wierdo for daring to speak of the taboo that is what is true”). Dumb assess.

                      So…I can see a lie, but I can’t see what’s being lied about. Eventually though, the consequence lands in front of us to see.

                      Husband say, “No baby…I have sex Only with you.”

                      Oh Yeah, HUN-EEE. Then why was I HPV negative last year, but this year I’m positive, AND my doctor says I’m pre-cancerous (Dumb Ass) and he wants me to have my uterus cut out of me. I”m like…30, and I wanted children

                      See my point? It enrages me! But this is why I’m a terrible lier. Empathy…I feel the consequence I’d impose on another by my lie. Gotta break the cycle of lies be having courage to take care of yourself by being true to yourself and speak up about what you’re about no matter (integrity).

                      And it is the lack of empathy…in the world today that allows us to do the terrible things we do to each other. I do pray, “God…wake up our hearts! We need to feel what we’re doing to each other so we don’t keep doing it.”

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                    • You don’t like lying because you don’t like being lied to…same for most people. The habitual liars, the pathological liers and just liers even if they are good at it, one can usually tell by their body language. It is my reaction, these days to not react, to just look at them and ponder the course of that lie or the agenda. The energy of lies goes far and beyond, and most who use lies don’t even know how they are spreading the energy of that lie out like ripples in a pond. Perhaps we have gotten so use to being lied to by the narrative and those who are suppose to be representing us, as the social norms or the ones in charge of disseminating information to us, that the truth is unbelievable, and a revolutionary act. I can just see if they ever told the truth, they would convulse and melt…why can’t they just be honest, why can’t they just spit it out and let humanity decide whether we can handle it or not? It’s the propaganda cycle and the agenda to keep us all in line. So that lie we believe is good, and the truth is bad. Where everything good is bad and everything bad is good. If you catch them in a lie, and you call them on it, it’s always deny, deny, deny. It’s their belief if they say it enough, it will become fact. Once I catch someone in a lie, it is my reaction to wait it out and see where they are going with it. Let’s just see how they are when they feel they have gotten away with the lie. And the jokes, there is always some truth to the jokes they do, or maybe it’s just their way of ‘the save’, when they say something they know it’s going to upset you, then say ‘just kidding’. You know there is truth in there and their way of telling you what their truth is. Interesting about the communication thing. There are the ‘white lies’ and the ‘agenda lies’ or the ‘straight up lies’. All are quite insulting to me, it makes me feel they think I am an idiot, and I just look at them thinking ‘why do you think I am so stupid to believe that lie, and what is your purpose for the lie’. GRRRR

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                    • Yes, always fun to observe the programs in action. So, with honesty and truth…

                      For a short while towards the end of my ex’s and partnership, we both took up some journaling. Our journals were sacred, I’d never have dreamed at looking at theirs… then. 🙂 But years later I came upon their journal at their place and I just said what the heck. It was a sort of left-handed (no offense to south paws) oracle of sorts. So, I find something from when we were kinda going ’round on things and one thing they wrote was they didn’t know why I felt a need to be so honest. lol And I sense that this was NOT about my honesty about them but about me. Even now that dysfunction makes me laugh. Heavy duty programming there. And like anything else, just that – the programs, not about the soul who is / was experiencing it.

                      And recently someone was triggered by the phrase “the truth”. (some other triggers there too) And not about the details of what the truth could be but I could tell it was about that phrase. And ya know, ya see enough of these programs and ya recognize ’em. I could just hear the recordings running their head “NOBODY can know the truth.” Well, they can’t keep others from it but they are themselves with that line.

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                    • One of the best things I ever learned from my Dad on liers is that to remember the lies, because eventually they forget what they said and will catch them when the story changes. I used that advice alot, and great advice, because the truth is easy to remember….and the lie hard to remember. 😉

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                    • Yes, as Control freaks like to control others because they are out of control in themselves. They can’t or won’t control the inner, so the outer has to control others. It is one of the greatest hypocrisies.
                      Lying is one of those pet peeves I had because was married to a pathological liar. Lied about things he didn’t need to lie about, or just knew he was lying because his lips were moving! I had a button that said “I can tell you’re lying cuz your lips are moving’.
                      The Libra I dated told me lies too, but I never called him on it….just observed his body language when he lied, and knew it…quite entertaining as I soon learned not to take it personal, just watch..lie, lie, lie.
                      One time, I had got this old movie ‘China Blue’ which I thought was a very interesting movie with Kathleen Turner ‘Crimes of Passion’ where she plays the character China Blue. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087100/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_50 Anyway, I am watching him shave with his electric razor, and asked him if he watched it since he didn’t seem to have time to watch it with me, and he said ‘yes’. And I squinted my eyes and knew he was lying…then he all of a sudden cut himself with the razor, and I said ‘That’s what you get for lying’. And he said ‘I knew you were a witch’….LOL…so everything that happens to him negative, is my fault and I am a witch…and he is a liar, nevermind that.
                      I just watched a new movie last night that was quite disturbing, but very strange, called ‘Split’ and how this guy had 23 personalities (23 being a some sort of number important, as in the movie with Jim Carey ’23’) and when he became the beast, the newly developed personality who considered the others ‘the hoards’, said to his last victim when he realized she was not unbroken, but had been cutting herself, and he decided she was not ‘good food’, he said to her ‘The broken are the EVOLVED’…so WOW…just so bizarre.
                      Another movie I haven’t seen in a while is ‘The Muse’ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0164108/ and no, didn’t get my Musing or relation to that movie in my profile name but did do that sort of work before that movie came out trying to help unblock a scriptwriter with his writing block during his divorce. Anyway…very interesting, not sure why I brought this up….LOL. Babbling again! LOL
                      OMG…was just talking to my grandson about the movie ‘Split’ and he was talking about the end where Bruce Willis was sitting there and they called some other person with with split personalities or mentally unstable…’Mr. Glass’ which I guess Split is the sequel to ‘Unbreakable’ and they are doing another sequel called ‘Glass’. Hmmmmm…. 😉

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                    • TYM,
                      My partner’s daughter lives with us, and she’s a full time Psychology major, so I saw that Movie, “Split” not he iTunes, and rented it. We all watched it together.

                      I thought it was an AMAZING MOVIE. I totally resonated with the movie. The”Beast” was a great metaphor. When He said, “The broken or the evolved,” I GOT IT! YES! The broken DO evolve when they work to bring themselves together into a “whole.”

                      that was my take on it anyway. The principle serves the light! It need not be “Dark and evil.”

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                    • Yes, and the sequel will be good, but the disturbing part of the movie ‘Split’ was that he consumed the unbroken…’good food’. He got the idea from his psychologist who had the theory that maybe multiple personalities or DID’s might use more of their brains with the multiple personality thing…that they were evolved, but the Beast was not part of the others, at least at first, he was a new one coming, a super hero type that could climb walls and was invincible. The mind over matter thing, a super human because he believed it. Still nuttier than a fruit cake though! LOL, rewatched ‘Unbreakable’ so now we will see with the next one will be. LOL

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                    • Yeah, I had a relationshit like that but was a LIbra…with Mother issues. They have intimacy issues and I was always waiting for them to arrive. The last time I waited 3 hours for date night which I set just so that I could have a slot of time with him. I was so angry because each time I called to say, what’s your ETA because it’s getting late and we may not be able to get a dinner and movie on this pre-scheduled date night, and sure enough, it was getting too late to do both. By hour 3, I was fuming, left and went to the store, as he was ‘still at the carwash’ and didn’t understand why he had to wash his car on date night or why it was taking 3 hours. I left to get some food and came home to him in the shower. I am like ‘oh, so you finally done with washing your car…LOL’ as if he was actually doing that. Asked him why he came home then, as I had given up on him and bought some food to make for myself. He thought I was some kind of witch and knew that he had pissed me off because after he got off the phone with me, a rock came flying from nowhere and hit his windshield. That was when he decided he might just do what he said he was going to do, and promised to take me to dinner, so I ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, in which he commented on how funny it was that I did that….but it cost him, and it was GOOD!!! LOL

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                    • OMG, TYM! That had me rolling! ROFL! The things we DO when we are PISSED! AND Oh how sweet when it works out! We all got lessons to learn and teach together (or by ourselves…all the same, Baby!)

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                    • Yeah, it'[s weird too, the last time I waited on him, I had moved out, and was waiting at home, and got so upset with him for not showing up, and just went to bed and cried and beat my pillow. The next day he called and asked if I came over there and dented his car…’I did not leave and why didn’t you show up?’ I got no answer from him but I don’t think he believed me. I would never go and damage anyone’s property for any reason. But he had me thinking there might just be something to this ‘witch’ thing, as I was super upset with him and beat on my pilllow, not his car. It was just weird everytime I got so upset with him, those little things would happen, like the rock flying out of the sky and hitting his windsheild, or cutting himself with the electric razor right after he lied to me. It was like my energy of knowing his lie or disrespect for me went out and ‘took care of it’. Needless to say, it didn’t upset me if it worked but I never intentionally set out to do anything to him….LOL

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              • The gemini I knew was so proud to be ‘the twins’ and was always the actor, using whichever face was necessary for his vrious manipulations. I know its different for each person, and I know you are the shoot to the hip type of gal, maybe it’s a ‘guy’ thing…LOL~~~but I know not all the sun signs are absolute, so you probably didn’t go into so much of the Gemini shadow side as this guy did. Sounds like you had it all figured out to begin with…and love the way you ‘tell it like it is’. 😉

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                • I suppose that would have meant I was an extrovert, but I was very shy too. Maybe silence was just something learned and not so much extrovert, as I was young, I did like being crowds and getting lost in them, but also had to learn not to say everything I was thinking. Very sensitive and would cry if I hit a butterfly or damn near kill myself trying to miss a furry creature on the road. I also have deep intuition about things, had ESP dreams where things came true but were mostly warnings for me to take notice.

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                  • Oh yea, TYM. I hear what you’re saying about being shy but EXTROVERTED.

                    I love the Meyers-Briggs personality tool. My type is INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging).

                    It’s the rarest personality type (NO…THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING PARTICULARLY! BEING RARE IS BEING ‘DIFFERENT.”), And of the introverted types, it’s the most mis-judged as EXTROVERTED! WE LOVE people…well…no, we love “Humanity.” But our perceptions are VERY inwardly generated…we take it all in, like…ALL of it, and we think think think about every angle of it, and don’t like too much erroneous outside conjecture influencing our process (Unless it has the super secret pass word which very few people have access to). That takes a LOT of “Solitude” to process…and GOD HELP ANYONE that inerupts “The Process.” Got a monkey wrench? Better get back, I have my own tools!

                    Done with the process, head back out to the world and put theory to test in a very active way. did I mention we are not shy? Nope! Not at all. Did I mention gotta have a LOT of solitude?

                    Oh yea…I did. INTROVERTED! But not shy.

                    Extroverted and shy? Totally possible…I bet once you warm up, you GO! LIFE OF THE PARTY, YOU…I bet. (grin)

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                    • Yes, I wasn’t so hip on talking to strangers, but once I got to know them, yes, just love the having fun part, but that was when I was young…I am more of a homebody now. like to keep to myself and say ‘hi’ to people but not unless they give me eye contact.
                      One time I was hanging out at a concert, and just sitting by myself blowing bubbles I had in this little necklace bottle, and enjoying being there alone in the crowd, and some old guy comes up and talks to me about how much he thought it was so cool, and like seeing me sit there enjoying blowing bubbles. He was a lawyer ended up talking to him the rest of the evening. He would always invite me to these soirees and it was so much not my scene. The hoity toity kind, lawyers and all those professionals…and he was always trying to fix me up with someone….I was not liking that…I hate when others, or couples are uncomfortable with you being single and got to be fixing you up, or setting you up, and that is when I started not going to any of those meetings or parties, especially if it was mostly couples, because single people seem to be so uncomfortable with ones who don’t need someone with them.

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        • And I’ve dated two taureans. NOW! Talk about honest! You can trust a Taurean. Each was two year long relationship.

          First serous relationship. We fell madly in love…and he was persistent…Like…WOULDN’T LET IT GO. followed me around the park while I walked my dog. I’d pass him, he’d flirt…I’d kept walking (gratified). He got in his car, drove further down, got out…greeted me, I passed him (f’in stalker…gesh). Got in his car, drove a ways down, got out…stood there waiting for me…”Nice dog, what’s her name…” (Now I’m all…WTF…). Oh…throw ’em a bone. Started talking…next thing it’s three days later, and my Dad tracked my ass down somehow…CALLED HIS HOME (Virgo…You know…they got their ways I guess). Oh…I was JUST 18, SO…No problem for the 30 year old stalker. Scared the crap out of him. But I learned about relationship integrity with him. He was…independant. And I was…a clingy love sick cancerean boy. He’d take long weekends to go to the gay resorts (Remember…I was 18) and bars all the time saying, “You’re too young.” I’d fret, and get real pissed…but…He always came back…talked about what fun he had…
          I hated it…but I trusted him. In the end, I broke his heart. When I turned 21, He got weird…and…
          …We actually still talk from time to time 33 years later. He still talks about our relationship as his greatest love. Loyal…and honest, BUT WILL HOLD A GRUDGE!

          The second Taurean. CUTE guy from Minnesota. His trade? Pornographer. Now, you’d think this would be a problem from a monogamous Cancerean (I don’t cheat…but I got around anyway…one man at a time…snicker). But he’s all like, “No, I’m monogamous, but I have some rules. Never deny me sex or I’ll leave you!” OK. Never doubted him. Even watched some of his photoshoots. He likeD Disney Cartoon movies to kinda…you know…balance out the energy. And we had GREAT sex…until it waned…

          …and sure enough. “I told you, if there aint no sex, then I be gone!” He gone! Cry cry cry, but…not heart breaking…cause he was honest. He moved on…got caught up in the Castro elite gay scene (He was pretty well known and VERY good at what he did…does).

          That’s my story about Taurean lovers.

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          • “No, I’m monogamous, but I have some rules. Never deny me sex or I’ll leave you!”

            A few things there…my Asc. Mercury, Mars, Jupiter all in Taurus. (Venus in Cancer) Yeah, I always enjoyed sex and would insist on it but it was rather weird with workaholics as partners so we’d end up being roomies that had sex together. It’s no frickin’ wonder, even though having the gift of gab, that my latest ex (especially) and I when out for breakfast on the weekends would sit there and drink coffee and talk for a couple hours… as if we’d not seen much of each other… ‘cuz we hadn’t. lol

            What you said reminds me… There was this old joke about this newlywed couple. The husband lays down the law with his new wife, “You’ll accept that I’ll be going out for a couple beers with the guys after work. You will have dinner on the table every night at 7, blah, blah…” She said she had some rules of her own, “You’ll take out the garbage every week, blah, blah… and every night at 8 I’ll be having sex… whether you’re here or not.”

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            • Halarious! It’s just one of those human drives, and we box it into rules. But…ok. We negotiate.

              That’s another topic and conversation…a good one and a worthy one to be sure, and it can go broad and wide.

              Early on, The whole sex thing got really wired for me. At age 18 when I became active, the whole AIDS thing had just hit its stride. EVERYONE was paranoid and scared. Then all my work with AIDS patients in SF; yeah, sex…it became a survival negotiation…either a leap of faith or a game of Russian Rulet. The nature of male sexuality subverted in a lot of ways (gay context), but of course I was at the American epicenter. It was more intensely experienced, but at the same time it is where the stigmas got “Worked out.!

              That lead to a very dynamic course of events that effected EVERY one: Health, health care, social changes; exaltation in some ways, and some not so exalted, but ultimately movement and some progress came of it.

              It still effects me, but in time I gained new and helpful perspectives. But those events and my part in it still (dare I?) “Haunt” me.

              With regard to partnership, Sex has never been the “Primary” foundation (because it got weird for me, like I said). And the more plutonic aspects were MUCH more important to me…much more essential (odd for a gay man, I know). It was a primary way to initially connect (pander to the male nature), but that part has always waned pretty quickly (because the animal male nature…it is what it is, so finding a partner that has some degree of control or ethics is challenging). So…

              That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. But there is no denying the drive…it is a power/force, and humans navigate these like any other that effects us. And there is no particular right or wrong….per se, but my own perspective generates a primary rule for myself: In all things (and for me, particularly sex), the greatest evil is to steal a choice…take a choice. Be honest. That pretty much makes every thing ok…even if someone chooses to leave. No choices was stollen, and no life was forfeit.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Ooh goody, we’re talking about sex. That appeals to my 3rd House Venus. LOL

                Probably due to my Taurus energy, if I could completely have my way, I’d have a monogamous relationship, but yeah, the sex has to be there, oh hell, the PERSON has to be there.

                But yeah, my ltr partners were absolutely my friends and still were after we split up (to a point, long story) and at that point were friends in an almost family way since we’d shared our lives together, including family. After my last ltr split, the Aries I’d talked about that I played softball with asked if my ex and I were still friends. Yes. “What’s that like?” and before I could answer they answered for me, “Is it like being siblings?” Yes, very much so.

                Yes, sex was always important and my Gemini / Sadge energy would allow me to be a tiny bit flippant about it but my Taurus Mars and Cancer Venus really could care less about that. Partnership or no, I had a tough time doing sex for sex’s sake. There had to be an energetic connection for sure and perhaps at least some potential for something more than just a one night stand and yet I had plenty enough of those, especially early on when hey it does have at least a bit to do with learning sex and exploring.

                “In all things (and for me, particularly sex), the greatest evil is to steal a choice…take a choice. Be honest.”

                Yes, I never was jealous per se. If anything it’d be more along the lines of envy, as in, I wanted to be with my partners and wished I were, but I didn’t necessarily have any problem with them sharing themselves with others, not even really in a romantic way but most definitely didn’t mind in any other way.

                One partner would lie to me about some things and I’d find things out and it was pretty innocuous anyway, but I so didn’t care. It was the lying part that I took issue with. That same partner also had this thing with trying to guilt me into things and I was never guilt motivated. I don’t think they ever realized that. I didn’t have anything to ever feel guilty about and if I’d screwed up in some way I’d apologize and unlike my partners I wouldn’t repeat mistakes or pay lip service.

                Yep, I’ve always said just give it to me straight, the truth I can work with and will make decisions accordingly.

                You so succinctly nail this whole thing – “choices stolen”!

                Yeah, have some real honesty and communication and frickin’ miracles happen… no matter the ultimate end result for the relationship.

                Liked by 1 person

            • Boy oh boy….if any man said that to me, he would be gone! The whole ‘holding out sex, or if I don’t get sex, I will leave you’ thing is all about control. Sex is so much more that the big ‘O’ and the physical act. It is a creative life force and sex magic is real…Isis used it. I always made a guy wait much longer than the ‘3 dates-have sex’ BS that society always pushed. Sex is great, it’s lovely, and waiting makes it even better…which most didn’t wait for and there was no 4th date…fine with me! Society puts so much importance on sex like it is the main deal breaker in a relationshit.They use it to sell everything from toothpast to socks..and probably the oldest profession out there for those that just had to have it, cheaper than dating but way more dangerous. Now having sex in the astral is interesting….LOL, always wake up right before the big ‘O’ and try as I may to go back into that dream….LOL, there was never any importance to sex for me on this physical level if anyone had to threaten me with leaving if they didn’t get sex…well…go on with yourself then..just didn’t understand the importance some would use to control a relationshit and maybe a disctraction from the spiritual work. 😉

              Liked by 2 people

              • I agree with you, TYM!

                The energy…the drive? “As above, so below.” This applies the other way. “So below as above.” “Sex” DOES impact MORE then just the physical…the drive to procreate, it’s the same drive humans have to “Create.”

                “Relationships” based on sex: That’s not creative enough for most people. We strive for more, otherwise, we’d be rabbits! We are not! We are more, and we have capacity for MUCH MUCH more, and we have many lines of power to channel in a VARIETY of ways, otherwise…we’d be just rabbits.

                We are not (I’m being redundant, I know.)

                You make an excellent point!

                I’ve never quite discerned, though, if this is the same of ALL men, or is it particular to gay men…this focus on sex. I’ve never had any significant experience with Woman (though I’m not a “Gold Star” gay…which means I’ve never been with a woman. Not the case), so don’t know much about conventional relationships (Raised by a single father who had a lot of girl friends…so not even in the traditional family sense). But Gay men? “Gay” is simply a distinction of “Sex”uality. “Sex” (gender and what gender you are sexually attracted to) is the distinguishing factor, so it’s highlighted…becomes more of your conscious identity. Does this make sense?

                I’ve pondered and pondered this for years. Now with the advent of “Gay Marriage” bringing “Gayness” into the mainstream, maybe it will be balanced out. Of course, now we have the whole “Gender Bender” thing highlighting “Gender” which is, either passively or directly linked to “Sex.”

                And why has sex become so…TWISTED? Oh…Humans are creative, and they experiment BEYOND themselves. Did you know that syphillis is not native to humans? It comes from sheep (by all means, go there…let your imaginations draw the conclusion). And so…we have inhibitions…curtail that particular creative expression and set some limits so the community has a better chance of surviving.

                It’s why I’m so staunchly monogamous! It is “My” survival rule. If I’m monogamous, then I’m not out sleeping with anyone that catches my eye…which reduces my exposure to others that might not have the same level of integrity as myself.

                Waiting three dates? You get a chance to see more about what people are about, and if they get tired of waiting a few weeks or a month, then you know they haven’t met your “Quality” standard…and so “Risk of Failure” (and you get to define what “Failure”) is much reduced. Rules. They’re fine.

                Say what they are, and live by them. There’s reasons for them. Talk about ’em. Allow choices. And you can change your mind at any time for what ever reason. Or not!

                Very interesting topic, and you brought up some super good points, TYM.

                Like

                • AIDS is from sheep – wasting disease. Look it up. Montana sheep f*ckers. Too frickin’ funny for me to report that. That’s where I’m from, so… my other ex, Leo, also from MT, always liked to say, “Montana – where men are men, women are lonely and sheep are nervous.” Montaaaaannaaa.

                  Oh, but now of course, as if someone actually “catching” a “sheep disease” weren’t enough, then they had to play around with it in labs a bit… (let’s see if TYM gets wound up on this one… see approaching rabbit hole 😉 )

                  Liked by 1 person

                • There is a great energy exchange during sex where partners can potentially (and usually do to some degree) take on each other’s issues. So plenty of reason not to be promiscuous (as if folks’ plates aren’t full enough with their own). Just what energy are ya dipping yer wick into?

                  Liked by 2 people

                • GAF and I had a very good convo about this on another thread, about how the social narrative gets pulled outside instead of inside, with the whole gender thing, it isn’t about what is between the legs, and neither is bad or good, it’s not polarizing onto either, and balance of the masculine and feminine inward. What they are doing is to get everyone gender confused, making another division between them, and an outer thing. GAF said it so much better if you read any of it, it makes total sense. I think it was in the thread about the feminist. 😉

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • I’ll read it at some point. I’ve had my journey with regard to the whole “Two Spirits” thing. Cancereans have tremendously good memories particularly about associative feeling ones.

                    I remember when the “Switch” came on (age 4). I remember it like yesterday, and it all came because an association I’d made: Why are girls treated so nicely, and why are boys…eh…NOT!

                    Of course, it wasn’t a gender issue, really. No, It was “My Life” circumstances beyond which I was too young to comprehend a very narrow perception (which is all I could process at age 4). And those circumstances need no pity. I’ve known many with better and worse circumstances by which to form similar associations that lead to similar or vastly different conclusion. But those are always beyond me. I know only my own life.

                    That association and conclusion locked in…is still locked in (but the trauma is clear I think). It wasn’t until my late twenties I decided…”I’ll just be a gay man.” Done.

                    That’s my story. All the “Born to its”…that’s just fine, too. Am I confused? NOT AT ALL. I don’t think I was EVER confused. Like I said, it was an association I made, and even at age 4, I had the will to follow that. Did it define me? YES! Of course (1+1=2). That association came to a specific conclusion upon which I defined a course. Simple. I don’t have to make 1+1= 3.7567 because someone else came to a different answer, or came to the same answer but through a different formula. It’s ok that it equals what ever it became to equal for me because that set me on a particular path of discovery. It DID impact my whole identity, but then…

                    That’s called a journey of discovery and choices to make along that road. I chose the perfect one for myself. I didn’t have to get cut on. It was all internal work, baby.

                    So I get it. I agree. But I won’t disagree with any contrary perspective. Those are not mine. This is “My” life, baby. All you all…you got your own. Work with it best you can.

                    Liked by 2 people

  8. India Arie: Break the Shell

    Lyrics:

    I met a prophet dark as the night
    She could see into my soul
    Said she’d been watching and had some advice
    She said shadows make you whole
    A life without pain is a wolf in sheep’s clothes
    Cause if you listen to the lessons that it holds
    You’ll find the gold
    Child its time to break the shell
    Life’s gonna hurt but its meant to be felt
    You cannot touch the sky from inside yourself
    You cannot fly until you break the shell
    I can remember when I was a child
    How the grown folks seemed so crazy
    Why are they so angry, why are they so loud?
    And when I grow up that’s never ever gonna be me
    That was the moment that I decide
    That I would build a wall just shy of six feet tall
    Too strong to fall
    Child its time to break the shell
    Life’s gonna hurt but its meant to be felt
    You…

    Liked by 2 people

    • No accident I posted Alanis. I think I was still doing a Sheryl marathon and youtube suggested it and as soon as I saw it, perfect. And I felt so good getting an Alanis song on here. Her consciousness has been up there for a while.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. The Divine has been with me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY through the STEPS of every FORERUNNER that has put heart and soul to song and deed.

    Thank you, GAF and TYM

    Liked by 1 person

  10. There might have been a short time I believed in the Twin Flame thing. It’s the spiritual or shall I say, the pretenders out there distracting those so desperate to find ‘their other half’, to be complete because being alone is much more scarey if you don’t notice your so called twin flame or you miss out on snagging them. The Gemini kept saying he was my twin flame, but I always knew he was not, and not long after that realized that I didn’t need a twin flame, I didn’t need to keep searching for the allusive other half of me that I either didn’t recognize or just haven’t found. ‘I AM ENOUGH ALREADY’ Complete on my own, there is nothing missing, and I am never alone. Even when I am physically alone, I know I am not alone. Solitude is nice if one has time for that, but learned to be happy with not having those relationshits and yes, it probably was some sort of preparation in that if only to push me to the sentiment that it was not necessary, I GOD THIS!!!! So are there twin flames? Maybe but who’s looking! I’m not~ 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Yeah, well, I’d said to someone in comments in that post, mundane-level me so didn’t give a shit. I so didn’t even know about that exact term “twin flame” until the Divine alerted me to it… as the post goes on. I really didn’t have that sort of obsession expressed in any way – “the one”, “soul mate” or “better half” whatever. *shrug* The Divine set it all up.

    Now, pulling up out of the mundane “drama” or even just “perspective”, as my blog has kinda documented – ya know, as I bob and weave through the mundane sensing of it all to the metaphysical awareness, touching the levels and watching the blending – I have seen a most definite shift as we really bumped things up a notch even with us forerunners moving forward in 2009ish.

    It’s like the old “plans”, soul plans, contracts, which were fine and typical, at least up until then and actually had and still does have to some degree a positive influence on this ascension effort, but they’ve gotten malleable and kinda needed to because we were really, REALLY taking it up a notch at the whole “walking between the worlds” thing and flexing and bending were called for – like where and what are we grounding into TODAY? To hell with how it was yesterday.

    So, I really feel like my HS and my tf’s HS laid out our soul plans as well as they could and did do well and did line things up for us and yet the almighty ascension project itself took priority. The contracts that mattered there were the ones that supported Gaia and her ascension. Major case in point:

    The friend I’m rooming with, they are and have been through the entire ascension-hell years, been my life support system. Years ago I had the intuition that we were “soul mates” (not necessarily the eros conventional go to / default / assumption sort, mind ya) and that I would help them with the beginning of the new and they would help me with the tail end of the old. They parroted that back to me in the first year I was with them here. Uh huh. They knew. They have essentially kept my vital signs going while I’ve been used up and wrung out doing the human antenna gig. You can bet THAT contract has been supported. I’d told someone a year or so back that my roomy has done more for this ascension effort by supporting me than a whole heap of “lightworkers”.

    And… folks could perhaps stand to be a bit more malleable with the whole twin flame thing.

    How anyone comes out of this ascension washing machine – as opposed to “original soul plan” – is anybody’s guess.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Individual and Indivisible – from the same root origin, the same vibration.

    Unity – going inward / “vertical” is a priority over going outward / “horizontal”. To truly know and unite with Other, FIRST know and unite with all aspects of Self.

    And as our conversations / experiences reveal, knowing one’s INDIVIDUATION is VERY important in all this Unity schtuff. Setting boundaries is very much about where Other stops and Self starts.

    Where we, as Individuated souls, meet in Unity is Inwardly and Divinely. That depends on Consciousness. One can be Conscious of that Unity while Other is not.

    Unity Consciousness is SO NOT about “losing oneself”. It’s quite the opposite. It’s about knowing Oneself IN FULL / (W)HOLY. And yes, knowing what is NOT One’s Individuated Self.

    It’s not a blurring of lines, it’s a defining of lines.
    It’s not about “blending” or “compromise” or “synthesis” or caving in.
    It’s about holding the light, BEing the light. We’ll “unify” IN THE LIGHT, not somewhere “along the way”, not some ‘Tweenerville Rest Area, some reductive, yeah cheap imitation detour complete with fake smiles and fluffy words.

    It’s about SELF FIRST. You want to influence the world for good / God, then be the beacon. How good of a beacon can you be?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thisis stated so clearly, GAF. I SEE your Gemini is ON-LINE (Love that about Gemini).

      I resonate with this utterly…it’s a pure simple truth. Easy! LOL…I LOVE IT.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Right…I like that term you coined…’Tweenerville Rest Area’. I understood Unity as that, and not a hive mind or a cyborg type of thing, where we are pretty much just remotes for the whole, no thought or individuation. Yeah, I can dig the Unity.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Bringing it down into the human life…pushing it through. This is how we evolve the human being…force the DNA to adapt to THIS principle so that the human life can, again, emit a degree of light where by we all see our way to a more whole unity…in light.

    The alternative is stay in the “Dark age” of human behavior…cruel…striving to survive…against ourselves…threats to our darker selves which we will never perceive then any more then a constant threat threat! (Shaking head…). The DNA fosters more density adapting the human life to harshness, pain…suffering, and we die quickly hardly lived…emitting only enough faint glow to see the threat one step away in our fellow next to us…evolved only to battle inflict wounds to avoid wounds.

    Like

    • Which reminds me, have you seen the movie ‘The Nines’ like an intervention on God who got caught up in it’s creation, and forgot who he was’. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • No I haven’t seen that movie. Texting myself with the title, so I can remember to rent it (done).

        I tried renting, “The Hot Flashes,” but iTunes let me down. Not available on Netflix OR Hulu (cry).

        Like

        • Get Kodi and then either the add on Exodus or Prime Wire. They have all of them. You will like ‘The Nines’. It is very interesting and sorta Dramedy. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  14. TYM: REALLY enjoyed your take on lies. I was laughing when you mentioned that people have gotten so used to lies that the Truth seems revolutionary! And if they are really into believing their own lie as truth (because that “Lie/Belief has become foundational to something, and any opposition might upset it…topple it which could lead to consequences they simply WONT accept, and so…TRUTH CARRIES THE RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVE TREMENDOUSLY GREAT COURAGE WHEN THE CONSEQUENCES OF TRUTH CAN TURN A LIFE (and all the other lives dependent upon it, too) UPSIDE DOWN).

    I’ve actually contemplated “Why do people lie?”

    One thing I super duper admire about YOUR approach is, you wait it out…you discern and observe. Oh what I would not GIVE for that ability. I react. It’s a terrible response to be so reactive to something so…natural to human beings. And so…this is an element we’re here to heal…that need to lie…to steal choices.

    It’s complicated right now because so much of our society is founded in lies (Mainly how money flows…how it is diverted, etc).

    There’s ways to heal it, but then we need to gain some integrity at the top. Now…How in America do we do that (Musing…pondering “We the people…”).

    Liked by 2 people

    • Been studying liars since I was very young, if you out them right in the beginning, they just get more clever at the lies. I learned early on not to react…it’s not easy, at first, you want to rip their faces off, LOL, sorta graphic but you get what I mean….I can explain how I don’t react, when I hear a lie, and I KNOW it’s a lie, I go from hearing to seeing/observing. I expand and take a deep breath, focus on the physical tells of the lie, I remain silent and watch how they keep going once they ‘think’ you have bought it. They steal a piece of your heart in that you want to believe them and they lose a piece of theirs, they just sank down with the ones who align themseves with those who tell lies for a much bigger purpose, but there they are, lying to your face, and you just smile….looking at them, studying their every quirk. Eventually, you will know they are lying before the words come out of their mouth. Now, when my ex lied about watching that movie, I was pondering the purpose of that lie, it really didn’t matter to me if he watched it or not, but to lie about it…what was the reason? That is when the razor cut him, and I saw it as instant karma for his lie, and said so. He had mother issues and rightly so, he wasn’t caring that he lied about it, he was treating me like his mother…which most men who have Mother issues do. I think it was a sort of survival mechanism in him, and was not malicious. The malicious lies, well….alittle harder to hold your tongue and watch/observe them in their ‘story’. The best liar, and manipulative one was the Gemini. I think because in his mind, he actually believed his lies, like he was able to ‘get in the story’ as if it were the truth, sort of fantasy, and why he was able to actually lie so good, but even he had physical tells. It got easier to tell that in his mind, he was telling the truth in ‘the story’ and didn’t see any harm in his lies or manipulations but they always had an agenda. When his lies didn’t produce what his agenda was, he just moved on to the next ‘actor’ in the story.
      AS for We the People and these yahoos and elites who are occultists and the highest form of manipulation and lies for control of the masses, this sort of lying goes very deep into spitual and metaphysical laws and the sheeple mind, they are quite good at what they do…look at how they have lied for hundreds of years, and you can always see who are the ones who have fallen for it. Our parents fell for it…not that they are stupid, but it was just the way things were. I was the odd ball because I just didn’t understand why everyone excepted the narrative without question.They will sell you an apple with a worm in it, and then deny they sold that apple to you. If you want to understand the lies of the establishment and the controllers of this world, you can watch Mark Passio who explains how they are occultists with the knowledge of the mind, and he goes into great detail, and it’s complicated, but fascinating. Here is a long video, but worth the time to watch it and you will then understand the depth of which they have gone to ‘control’ and build society the way they wanted it. https://youtu.be/9AE7fMZ2vrY

      Liked by 1 person

    • The last video I gave you above is more into the history of our origins and those that came here with their agenda…this video is the one I was wanting to giveyou that goes into the natural l.aw and the deep aspects of the mind/psyche of occult knowledge and how they manipulate us, if you want to understand how they do it, this is the one you should watch…and yes, another long one! https://youtu.be/dIEemKcy-4E

      Like

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